Mom Thoughts

Living with Regrets...and the New Year

2012-01-01T20:10:00.003-05:00

On Wednesday, December 28th, my grandmother Eva suffered a severe stroke on the left temporal region of her brain. The morning started with my mom like any other...making coffee and talking to my grandma in the kitchen. My grandma told her she was going to go take her thyroid medication and went back to her room. My mom heard a noise and went to the bedroom and found my grandma slumped against the closet door on the floor.

My grandma has always been active. She is larger than life in my eyes. The week before and the several before that, she was doing water aerobics. She hasn't needed a cane, walker or wheelchair and has always seemed more like 91 years young than 91 years old. She has outlived 2 husbands, and 2 boyfriends. She lived with us when I was young and was at home when my sister and I used to get home from elementary school. She is the woman who taught me to swim and forced me to practice piano. "I don't hear any playing in there" she would scream from the other room if the piano was silent for more than 30 seconds.

Ironically, I had just seen my grandma the week before. I had gone to Vegas on my yearly girl's weekend. I had gotten to my mom's house late on Monday night and grandma was already in bed. The next morning, I got up to spend some time with her before catching a plane back home that afternoon. I sat in the recliner talking with her and simulatneously watching the news to try and catch information on a weather phenomenon that was passing over the midwest. "I should probably stop talking to you so you can watch your news" she said to me. Before I left, I remember giving her a hug and looking at her. Some voice in the back of my head told me "this is the last time your going to see her like this" and I just shook it off. After all, she is one of my constants in my life. She is the glue that keeps us all together and keeps us updated on all the relatives that are spread out. How could I have known?

The area of her brain that has been the most affected by the stroke so far seems to be speech. She can say some, but has trouble with words and putting them together. I keep going back to the moment of her telling me she should probably stop talking...and now I would give anything to be able to sit and talk with her like that. I have spent the last two days wishing I could have taken that time back and done it differently. So I'm going to do the second best thing I can think of.

My New Years resolution this year will be to always try and be present when I'm with someone. To stop and make sure I'm really looking at them, and being involved in the conversation. To let them know that them being there, talking with me, is the most important thing to me in that moment. I can't take that moment back, but I can learn from my mistakes...

Innocence Lost?

2011-11-16T19:18:00.003-05:00

I was driving down the street with both kids after school today. Suddenly, one of my kids asked who made guns. I said that a lot of different companies did. Kylee said she wished that there wouldn't be any guns made so that nobody would die from them. The conversation then turned to the people at war and how they could die from the guns. Kade said he wanted to be an army man, but decided he didn't want to because he didn't want someone to shoot him.

Call me strange, but I don't remember this being a normal conversation when I was little. I wonder if this is going to be the era that my kids grow up in? Does this mean we have lost the naivete of feeling safe, and they will grow up living with several wars? Both kids as long as they have been alive, we have either been fighting in Afghanistan or Iraq. I know it affects my children. I can only imagine those children and families of those who serve. I don't know if I agree with Kylee that I wish there weren't any guns. I guess I just wish there weren't those who were willing to use them against us. I wish to go back to the time Pre-Sept 11th. I want my children to experience that.

Time

2011-03-31T13:31:00.001-05:00

Where has the time gone?? Why doesn't there ever seem to be enough of it. I PROMISE I will get better at this blogging thing again. I have so many great stories that I never get down..and I know I'm going to end up kicking myself later.

So, I leave with one Kadeism: (when deciding what we were going to watch on TV and asked about Starstruck) "No...I don't want to watch that. That is about a girl liking a boy. Unacceptable."

New Year

2011-01-01T20:56:00.001-05:00

I wish I could say I'm going to be better about blogging this year. I try...but lots of times, I'm too busy living. On the brighter side, 2011 will be full of changes. We are moving to Tulsa, OK...so I'm sure, I will have a lot to say this year. Or just think about saying while I'm trying to keep up!

Happy New Years! Here's to a great 2011!

Could be some of the best comments to date...

2010-10-22T18:42:00.002-05:00

Getting on airplane...

Guy scanning boarding pass: "have a nice day."
Kade: (tapping guy's arm) "You have a nice day too."

Then walking down jetway flying Southwest... (and this story convinces me she is mine)

Kylee: "What seats are we in?"
Me: "We can sit in any seats we want."
Kylee: "Really? Where do you want to sit?"
Me: "I was thinking you two would sit in front and I can sit in back."
Kylee: "You can't do that."
Me: "Who says I want to sit with you guys?"
Kylee: "Who says we want to sit with you and your grouchy attitude."

Well, now that we got that straight...

2010-10-21T16:02:00.002-05:00

Me: "Your really cute, you know that?"
Kade: "yup"
Me: "Do you practice that?"
Kade:"Practice what?"
Me: "Practice being cute."
Kade: "No, I practice my letters, I'm already cute."

This is why dad's don't do homework

2010-09-21T14:24:00.001-05:00

Kade: We are going to do the letter B. We have to have a picture for the letter B.
Me: Can you think of things that start with the letter B?
Daddy: Boobies...boobies start with B.

I Guess if I'm Gonna Deal Em

2010-09-18T17:41:00.001-05:00

Although my husband says I'm not witty (me, not witty??), I've been told from time to time I am. I also have this innate ability to zing one liners and wonder where they came from. I guess Kylee is picking up on this...

We are in a halloween shop looking around and just wasting time. After looking at the kids costumes, we were over in the adult costumes (a.k.a the "sexy" costumes). We are walking along looking at the ones on the wall...suddenly:
Kylee: "Hey mom, look! This one will make you look young!"

One ism from each...

2010-09-12T15:40:00.001-05:00

Kylee: Mommy, I was up in Dida's room and she was watching something and it was very inappropriate.

******
Kade: "Mommy I'm gonna start at your phalanges and hang all the way to your achilles tenders."

The night before school starts...

2010-09-06T19:11:00.001-05:00

Clothes are laid out...backpacks are empty and ready..I'm so excited...
Me: "guys, two minutes for bedtime"
Kade: "what mommy?"
Me: "I said two minutes"
Kade: "no mommy...it's not. i know how to tell time...you taught me."

Kade's bad day...

2010-08-29T09:56:00.001-05:00

Me: "It's the best day ever, huh?"
Kade: "No...its a bad day."
Me: "Why?"
Kade: "Well, first I just bited Kylee's green blanket, then I just barely touched her and I got to my room, and then I was just sitting on the side of the tub (actually he jumped in) and daddy just yelled at me."

*******
"Look Kylee, there's a commotion in the ocean."

Our little weekend chats...

2010-08-22T10:39:00.001-05:00

Altu: "Kade, do you know who Obama is?"
Kade: "Yes...he makes it sunny or rainy"
Altu: "He is not God, he is the president."
Kade: "The president of LIberty."
**********
Kylee (playing on Pixie Hollow on computer) "Mom, do you think I'm talking to the president's daughter?"

A couple of Kadesims...cause their just too cute to not remember.

2010-08-21T09:49:00.001-05:00

Kylee: (with Kade's fave. lil blankie sticking from her pants) "Look Kade I have a tail. If you want you blankie back, you have to come get your tail".
Kade: "No, now it has your butt germs."

While watching a show called 'Wipeout', a man hits the platform and then slides off with a ball hitting him in between the legs on his way down.
Kylee: "Oh! Right in the penis!"
Then a lady jumps and hits the platform with her face.
Kade: "Oh! Right in the penis!"
Kylee: "No Kade! That is a woman! She doesn't have a penis!"
Kade: "Oh! Right in the vagina!"
Kylee: "That wasn't her vagina! That was her face!:"

Oh, I regret ever listening to the day my Human Sexuality Professor ever told us you should always teach proper terms to kids!

Kade's first joke

2010-05-26T16:48:00.001-05:00

I have never heard Kade tell a joke until today...So here it goes...

Kade: What do you all a bunch of ducks in a box
Me: No clue
Kade: Quackers

Sometimes, motherhood just sucks.

2010-02-23T18:58:00.001-05:00

Kylee got sent to her room for not listening when I told her to give her brother something...then I counted to 3, and when I told her to go to her room, she told me "no". For some reason, this has been a relatively common occurence, which really worries me because she is only 6. If I can't control my 6 year old, how am I going to control my 15 year old?
I walked her to her room myself and told her she is now in her room for the night...so she went in and I shut the door. She is screaming and crying...and she just screamed "mommy is the worst mom in the whole world" and "I hate you."

Now, i know she didn't mean it...but it just broke my heart. Sometimes being a mother just sucks.

Little quote I couldn't help

2010-02-15T16:56:00.001-05:00

Kade: (to Kylee) "Are you titel telling?" (also known as tattle tailing??)

With that, I bring on the new...

2010-02-08T19:00:00.001-05:00

While I want to still post some pictures I know I have been lax on (can you say my super cute Mater from Halloween?), I am going to try and not look back as much and be more "on" the blog. I have switched to a gmail email now and can post directly from the homepage (pretty cool technology, eh?) Now, my computer is on, I have no excuses. I can check email, I can blog. Oh the rolling of eye, screaming, bickering, penis stories to come your way! Consider yourself warned!

Because I'm just opportunistic enough...

2010-01-30T16:40:00.002-05:00

On the phone with my mom who still lives in Vegas...

Mom: "Did you get my text?"

Me: "About wanting an iPod Nano?"

Mom: "Yes...if you get it and put your music on it for me for my exercising"

Me: "Yeah...I can do that"

Mom: "Except don't put that song on it that every time I hear it, I can't get it out of my head."

Me: "Which song is that?"

Mom: "Um...the one about 'Every time you come around my underpants come down, London Bridge'"

Yeah...that one warranted a phone call to my sister to enjoy in the laugh. While telling my sister, Sujoy was sitting next to me...that even brought a snort out of him.

and so 2010 begins....

2010-01-07T18:48:00.002-05:00

Yet again I have let this little blog of mine to fall to the wayside. I really do enjoy doing it for all 3 readers I get. LOL I am going to do better this year. We had such a busy end to the last year. We are now living in Virginia Beach (as of November 3rd) and Kylee started her new school. Kade worked on potty training and joined Kylee there on Jan 4th. It's been the normal hectic holiday season. Originally, I was going to spend it in Virginia, but after I knew DH was working and was quite lonely, we went back to Vegas (two kids, dog and myself...what a circus!) It was a great Christmas and we are all safely back in Virginia and the routine has started again. So, let the adventures begin!!

Celebration

2009-08-25T20:15:00.004-05:00

Today, I celebrate you. I celebrate not only your first day in the first grade, but I want to celebrate where you've come from. How far you've come...it's truly amazing. You make me proud. I look at you and can't believe that your this big already. I celebrate your accomplishments.
Kylee 1 day old...

Kylee 1 week old...

Kylee 1 year old...

Kylee 2 years old....

Kylee 3 years old...

Kylee 4 years old...

Kylee 5 years old....

Kylee 6 years old...1st day of 1st grade...

I love you Bubaloo....

Thinking about miracles...

2009-08-24T21:26:00.002-05:00

Today, I was leaving my house in my car when I passed my neighbor Francine driving past in her car...and we waved. This normally wouldn't have been any great shocker to me, except it was the first time I had seen her drive since she woke up. She suffered a major stroke NY eve after she went to sleep. She was discovered the next day when she hadn't woken up and it was 9am. Francine is originally from France...the injury was so severe, they had to transfer to the only hospital in the area that could handle a head injury like that and advised her husband to "call relatives from France in case they wanted to be here before it was too late". They said IF she ever woke up, she would most likely be a vegetable. She developed fevers and infections and set backs. She did wake, though. When she woke, and finally did talk, she only spoke French (ironically, the specialist she had had that saved her life was also French). She came home and had slurring, frozen shoulder, we cheered for her when she managed to slowly make her way up the stairs, we watched her struggle for the words in English to holding a conversation with hardly any problems...and today, i saw her drive...on her own...just 8 months after suffering an almost life-ending injury.
I also follow another blog called nienie dialogues. Stephanie Nielsen was in a plane crash 1 year ago that left her with burns over 80% of her body...and in a medically induced coma for 4 months. She was able to go home at Christmas but has endured so much painful therapy and trying to relate to her "old" self in her "new" body. She has down days...but she is so positive. The fact that she lived is a miracle...but she isn't just surviving...she is LIVING...and doing it better than some of us ever will....

So my thoughts on miracles is this...they do happen. Not all the time, but they do happen. I feel privalaged that just in since January, I have been able to witness two of those miracles.

Clearly because its just too good not to blog...

2009-08-20T16:22:00.002-05:00

Kylee had a playdate with a couple of friends today. So, the moms and I were sitting around talking about the upcoming school year and school supplies for the girls (an astronomical list that I'm not sure where they get from...but that's another blog!)

Anways, we were talking about the backpacks we had gotten when one of the girls, Kerri, said her husband had ordered the backpack and they hadn't gotten it, though (wondering if it had wheels because apparently they weren't allowed to have wheels...which Kylee's does...but we're using it anyways!) Anywho, it was all mixed in with the usual mom stuff...and talk about how our husbands like the house (or don't like the house) and cooking...just general stuff.

Hour and a half passes after they leave...and my phone rings...

Kerri: "guess what"
Me; "what"
Kerri: "we got the backpack delivered today that he ordered...I don't know what he was thinking"
Me: Why?"
Kerri: "He ordered a black packpack with her name in grey lettering...what was he thinking...really? For a girl"
Me: "well, clearly it must have been on sale"
Kerri: "I don't understand...black for a girl"
Me: "he's a guy...he probably went with what he thought was cool...and got it"
Kerri: "We have a ton of black backpacks here...if I knew he was going to do that, I would have taken one we already have and stitched her name on it"
Me: "Well, that's it then...he was looking for one that matched the ones you have...that's hers...with her name on it"
Kerri: "what is she supposed to do with a black backpack...it will get mixed in with all the boys"
Me:"Maybe that's a good thing...she can find hers...only girl's with the boys that are black...CLEARLY it was on sale. "
(meanwhile in the back, you can hear Juliet saying she didn't want a black backpack. )

Me: " Did you ask him about it?"
Kerri: "no...he's not home yet"

two more mins go by...then she says he's home. She tells me to hold on and she would ask him...but Juliet beats her to it and says she doesn't want a black backpack.

Kerri: (to him) "Really? Black? What were you thinking?"
Me: "well, don't sugar coat your thoughts or anything"

(this is what I hear from my end)

Kerri: "What other colors did they have on sale?"
"So you mean they also had red...her second favorite color?"

In which his answer is: I think this one is cool.

That is why mom's do back to school shopping....

Checking

2009-08-18T09:11:00.001-05:00

To see if posting from my cell phone works.

The family vacation

2009-08-17T14:58:00.004-05:00

So, my mom pointed out that I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I really had great intentions, but by the time I can sit down and type...I'm too tired to type! So, I have been trying to remember all the little things I need to type on here...so I'm sure I have forgotten most of them! LOL

So, we just came back from Lido Beach with the kids. For those (like myself) that are geographically challenged, that is right at Sarasota. It's one of my favorite vacations that we do every year. We stay at Lido Beach Resort. The kids love it because there is a pool and it's right on the beach. The hard part: Kade loves the beach...Kylee loves the pool! Oh the fighting that happens!

Kylee has gotten very good at swimming this year. I put her in swimming lessons for 2 weeks (20 mins a day) and the difference it made! She will swim under water now and doesn't freak out about her face getting wet. She was jumping off the side of the pool and could turn and go back to the wall. She would swim to me under the water with her face down. Kade...well, he liked the idea and I had to basically explain to him he would sink like an anchor. Swimming lessons for him coming soon! He's my little terror!
I hav realized that "relaxing, family vacation" is an oxymoron...especially when you have a 2 and 6 year old. I remember so many of my vacations growing up, though, and hope that something will stick with them..and they will remember these as fun.

**********conversations with the kids****************

Both kids are playing and loud...
Me: "Use your inside voices please"
Kade: "I don't have an inside voice"

**********************
How you know your kids have been to hibachi one too many times....
At TGI Fridays...dh is taking the onions out of his burger and putting them on the side of the plate...

Kade: "Daddy...make a volcano!"

**********************
Same TGI Fridays lunch.....Kylee gets sauce from her ribs on her dress...

Me: "don't worry about it bubba...we can put stuff on it when we get home"
Kylee: "thats right...we have oxyclean, huh mommy"
Me: "Yup"
Kylee: "With stain-fighting power"
Me "uh-huh"
Kylee: "not like those other chlorine bleaches that are only good on whites but not on darks, right mommy"?
Me: (thinking maybe she has watched too much television this summer...or she is vying for Billy Mays job) "um...right"

Car ride conversations...

2009-07-12T17:47:00.002-05:00

Mommy (just picked Kade up from school) : I sure miss you when your not here.
Kade: "I'm here now"
*********************

Daddy, mommy, Kylee and Kade on the way home from the mall...what do you do for 45 mins in the car? We decided to take turns singing.

First, Kade did the pledge of allegiance...
Kylee does the pledge of allegiance...
Kade does itsy bitsy spider...
Kylee does America the Beautiful...
Kade does ABC...
Kylee starts a song she says about fairies...mommy & daddy can't hear...

Mommy: "Kylee sing louder"
Kylee: Still singing inaudibly
Daddy: "Kylee sing louder"'
Kylee: "I'm trying to sing in my pretty voice!"
Mommy: but we can't hear....
Kylee: (sighing) Fine...but I'm not going to sing about fairies...I'm going to do a different one about...volcanoes"

*******5 mins go by with a song about volcanoes...she has to tell us when it's done.***

Mommy & Daddy" Good jo....(Kade breaks into Old McDonald)****

Kade: "Old Mc Donough had a farm, eieio...and on that farm he had a cat...eieio. With a meow meow here and meow meow here...everywhere everywhere old McDonaugh had a cat eieio"
(repeat with cow, dog and horse.)

Kylee..."now I'm going to sing a song about hurricanes"

My morning with Kade

2009-06-21T19:09:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning, Kade got up early...even for him. It was about 6:15 and we came downstairs and were hanging out...I had to run upstairs to get some extra pajamas. As I came back down, I hear "pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter....(pause).....Pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter (in the opposited direction). As I round the corner, I see a string and a kite dragging on the floor.

*****************************************************

Kade playing with a long bead necklace hanging on the handle of the wine refrigerator...

"giddyup! Yee haw!!!!"

"mommy...I'm a cowboy!"

********************************************************

He's getting big, isn't he?

7 Years

2009-06-18T18:08:00.002-05:00

Next month will be 7 years since I left Las Vegas. I still consider myself a Vegas girl. When people ask where I'm from, I still say Vegas. It's hard to believe that it will be 7 years since I lived there. Maybe because I (well until Kade was born) went back so frequently. Or maybe because all of my family and some of my closest friends are still there.
I started to think of the things that I have learned in the last 7 years...and there's so much.
I learned that those things they called the Santa Ana winds really did have an impact on the weather...and what they call winds there can be considered "hurricane force winds" other places.
I learned of a small town called Philadelphia, Mississippi...notable for really only one thing...if you don't know, google.
I learned "Southernisms" like 'fixin to' and the time span that encompasses
I learned to drive a John Deere tractor...and how to rewarding spitting fire ant mounds out the side could be.
I learned about Neshoba County and their fair...
I learned that Vegas really did have a lot of lights compared to some other places....and how DARK those places could get at night...and how many stars there were in the night sky in those dark places.
I learned about Wolf spiders, cotton mouth snakes and other things I didn't want to run into.
I learned about Tornadoes (and that Mississippi does have them) and Hurricanes (and that Tampa has them)
I learned about Peggy's and that people do still honor a system...
I learned how helpless you can feel when your child is sick...and how much your heart can break when they tell you exactly how sick they are...
I learned that I have the utmost respect for NICU nurses and what they do.
I learned patience, love, and did I mention patience?
I learned how to pack up an entire house...3 times.
I learned how hard it is to make good friends as an adult, how lucky I am to have the good friends I do, and how to treasure them everyday...
I've learned that if you have 2 kids, they will find something to fight about everyday (ok...that only because Kade and Kylee are fighting over a chair neither ever really cares to sit in...until now).
I've learned night launches from Port Canaveral can be seen in Tampa...and are beautiful.
I learned about alligators.
I learned love bugs were not just flying in the air together.
I've learned that all ages between infant to 6 have their ups and downs (mostly ups)
I've learned that marriage is something that has to be continuously worked on as a priority in your life...and not taken for granted.
I've learned that when all else fails, valium is good. (ok...not really, but sometimes that thought is nice)
Ditto on alcohol (ok...might be halfway serious there)
I've learned I am sarcastic...but never to take myself too seriously.
I've learned most of my friends don't take me too seriously either.
I learned about football, hockey and even some baseball.
I've learned that I can be a boy mom as well as a girl mom.

Mostly, I have learned that with family and friends, I can live anywhere and it will be home. I have a feeling I will go back to Vegas someday...but home really is where you heart is. Home really is where you make it.

Words I thought I wouldn't hear my child say

2009-05-17T18:54:00.001-05:00

Can I eat the head of the fish? Ya, she's definitely Bengali.

The more things change..the more they stay the same...

2009-05-11T19:47:00.002-05:00

So, it's no big surprise that to this day, Kylee is still hard (I mean REALLY hard) to get to sleep. She has never liked going to sleep. Even as a tiny baby. Tonight, I was tucking her in and she asked me to cuddle with her for a few minutes. I laid down next to her. She was still for about 2 minutes and popped up and looked at me and said "no mommy...you have to do it that one way". I said "what way?" She said "you know how you do when you put your arm over me and then pull me next to you" (spooning..she loves to spoon) I put my arm over her as she turned away from me and cuddled up close to her. She laid still for about 3 minutes...and then one hand started moving...under the sheet making like a sheet puppet opening and shutting its mouth. So I waited, and waited then I finally took and put her hand down and cupped both hands with my hand so she couldn't move. She didn't move..and within literally 1 1/2 mins, she was out. Asleep.
Its amazing that after almost 6 years, she still moves CONTINUOUSLY to stay awake when she is exhausted...and even like when she was 6 months old, I can still hold her close, keep her arms/legs from moving, and she just falls asleep.

*******************************************************************

With a couple of exceptions, I was really the first of most of my friends in having kids. I think I counted it out last Dec. and if you invited all my Vegas friends with kids over, we would have 10 kids 5 and under (Kylee being the oldest!) And no, I wouldn't attempt that without lots of alcohol on hand. So, I seem to get to experience all kinds of new *firsts*..this is just one of them.

Did you know that kindergarten has it's own mores? Yup. Me neither. Bathroom etiquette is learned REALLY young. I can remember as a child going to the skating rink and there not even being doors on the stalls...and not really caring. But, these days, apparently you care. For instance, Hannah and Kylee at dinner the other night and I take the two of them to the bathroom. It's one of the big bathrooms that you walk in and lock the door (just a toilet and sink, no stalls...you know the kind). Well, Kylee and Hannah both had on their leotards from gymanstics. Kylee was going to use the bathroom first. So she started to take off her leotard but then stopped and said "but I don't want Hannah to see my privates". Hannah said "but I'm just standing against the wall...and I'm looking this way (straight ahead)". Kylee "ok...but don't turn and look". So Iasked her what the big deal is because at school they have to open stalls and two of them use the bathroom at the same time. To which Kylee quickly informed me that they might be in there, but she doesn't look to the side unless she is getting toilet paper and otherwise they stare straight ahead so they don't see the other person. Who knew? And really, when did kindergarten get so hard? Boyfriends, social laws...geez. My biggest worry was the Spot book.

Another Kadeism

2009-05-06T20:07:00.003-05:00

One thing both dh and MIL have gotten from the British (and still do to this day) is have biscuits (or for us cookies) in the morning with their coffee. So usually dh gives Kade one to.

Kade walks up to me with his biscuit...

Me: you want to dunk it in my coffee?
Kade: No, I no be dark Indian.

Gotta love that kid!

2009-05-06T19:43:00.003-05:00

Wednesday nights are argueably my busiest night. I don't know how others who have several children or children in several activities do it. Kylee only has gymnastics one night a week...and it's her only activity. For some reason, it's exhausting to me. It's been made a little easier since MIL is here because she keeps Kade at home instead of me chasing the wild banchee all over the waiting room of the gymnastics place for what is the longest 45 mins of my day.
So tonight, after gymnastics, we decided to go to Beef O Brady's to eat with Hannah, Bishop and Jill. On the way to Beef's after gymnastics, this was our conversation as I drove...

Me: Hey Kylee
Kylee: yes
Me: Have a I told you today that I love you?
Kylee: Yes
Me: Can I tell you again?
Kylee: You can tell me as much as you want. I will never get tired of that.

Isn't that the best? I could hear that forever!

Kylee being her normal great eater, was easy at Beef's. The kids' meal she always gets is chicken wings and curly fries. It comes with 2 oreo cookies..which until this year, she never liked. (I mean really...what kid doesn't like Oreo cookies? I'm telling you..she's an adult in a child's body!) As we left, she was saying she didn't have dessert. I told her when she got home, it was bath and bed, because it was past her bedtime. She said she wanted dessert so I caved and let her have the two oreos on the way home. In that moment, it reminded me of when I was young and my parents used to take my sister and I to Macayo's for dinner. We would get the ice cream scoop for dessert with the coveted little plastic donkey on the top. It was the HIGHLIGHT of the entire dinner (well, that and the shirley temple with the cherries at the beginning of the meal). It is a memory that just fits...like an old pair of shoes...it's cozy to me.
One day, I hope she will look back on our special "mommy-Kylee dates", or our favorite little places to eat. I hope it brings the same cozy feeling to her...and makes her smile.

Sarcasm...isn't just for parenting anymore...

2009-04-13T16:16:00.003-05:00

Unspecified friend: (talking about her husband) "says that this skin makes me look fat"
Me: in friendly advice, of course "did you say, your thighs make your dick look small"
Unspecified friend: Shit, I wish I could think of these things.
Me: More you do it, the more natural it comes.

And so comes another Easter

2009-04-13T15:56:00.002-05:00

I could very well be the worst mother in the whole world. I didn't take one picture...not.one.

Luckily, I have friends who are great mothers...and they took pictures. Even with my kids in them. So, I'm holding on for those. Although, one of those friends is Natalie. I'm still waiting on pictures from when Kylee was three. Some of us have stronger points than others.

We did what has become the annual Easter thing on the misfit cul-de-sac. Breakfast at Alex's (which is actually now Alex & Charli's...and includes Hannah Banana and Bishop and Layla). Natalie being the supermom she is, whips up this enormous breakfast. Me, being the slacker I am, showed up with two hungry kids. ;) Luckily, Jill brought a casserole. So, breakfast..and while the kids were eating, some of the adults went out front to hide...are you ready for this...450 easter eggs on the cul-de-sac. We didn't do like last year and hide them in the dark the night before...which turned out to be a problem I hadn't counted on. Why you ask? Because Kylee was up out of bed 3 times the night before looking for the Easter bunny...and checked out front when the dog was taken out and didn't see any...and again on the way to Alex's house (2 doors down). I walked into Natalie's house with a big grin and 2 Easter baskets (my excuse for leaving when I was outside planting eggs) to Kylee sitting on the couch arms folded in absolute tears. She was crying about Alex not wanting to play with her...so when I sat down to talk to her, she was crying hard and buried her head in my shoulder. So I finally said "come on, go get your Easter basket". She said "why, there's no eggs...nothing!" and wailed. I told her to get her Easter basket that I was pretty sure there were. We instructed the kids that Natalie's house was for the babies only...to which Kade turned and ran around the house looking for eggs (should have specified OUTSIDE). We regathered Kade...opened the door and off they went! I am sure we found just about all 450 eggs. After the hunt, we came in the house and got everything together and went to the beach. Water was chilly, but I kept both kids busy digging a hole and putting water in it for a good hour and a half. Then Alex and family showed up. Kylee and Alex raced to the water and Kylee knelt down, skidding her knee across a rock...drama again for the next half hour or so pleading to go home (in her defense, that salt water had to really have hurt in the cut. Thank God for well prepared strangers with band-aids. We got home about 5:30pm...both kids slept on the way home and had dinner when we got here. I discovered a huge portion of my legs I had missed with sunscreen...that have turned into a very painful burn. Overall, very fun day. 3 dramatic meltdowns. I picture of the wild man wearing his easter basket/hat on his head. Several happy grins. 2 new lessons learned: plant easter eggs the night before...put sunscreen on at home and don't miss spots.

Insecurities, unstripped

2009-04-02T08:53:00.002-05:00

I am starting my pilates certification course today. I am really excited. REALLY EXCITED.

At the same time, one of my major insecurities that I have grown up with comes back at me and once again, slaps me in the face. I have always been insecure about my body size. I was always the "fatter" of the sisters (not hard when your sister's a showgirl!). Growing up, my sister was the "beautiful, skinny one" while I was "pretty too". It is what pushed me into the gym and eventually led me to choose the degree I did in college.

I have been in the worst shape of my life...and that hasn't helped my insecurities. Being in the hospital and knowing I needed to do something healthier was what led me back to excercising and trying pilates. I LOVE IT. I miss it in between days that I go...so I'm excited about this class.

My insecurities in my head are saying what if I am the fattest one there? What if they look at me and think 'why are you here...you can't do this...your too fat!'. While those are always close by, I am going to push on and know that I have done enough that I belong there, know enough to know that I won't be completely lost and will understand what they are talking about...and strong enough to get through this and be better for it. Wish me luck!

The lost art of hello

2009-04-01T13:35:00.002-05:00

Ok..so usually I blog about the kids...but not today. Something I noticed recently. I have never really been accused of being shy..no surprise there. So, I realized the other day how few people in passing will look you in the eyes and say "hello" or "good morning". Even in Florida (which I have been told is full of friendly people...rather ironic seeing as how many are from NY!)

It had occurred to me yesterday as I was walking from the grocery store back to my office next door yesterday when I walked past a guy who looked at me, looked away, and looked back again as we were getting ready to walk past eachother. So, I smiled and said "good morning". He almost jumped! He did respond back with a "good morning", too. Then I started thinking "when was the last time I said hello or good morning to a stranger?" I couldn't even remember when! Yes, if I was walking into a store and they worked there or something, but I mean just one in passing. Why do so few people make eye contact with you when you walk by? Or say hello? On another note, do you think the age of computers has made that even more of a rare occurence with people spending so much time looking at a computer or texting on a phone?
I know that it was the most simple of things, but it made me feel good. Then I wondered why I ever stopped. No, I don't mean going around like a loon saying hello to everyone you cross paths with, but an occasional hello or good morning is sometimes so simple and so nice.

It's all so easy in a 2 year old world

2009-03-24T17:47:00.004-05:00

Kade is amazingly verbal these days...and just like Kylee, I think I should start with my Kadeisms one of these days. :) He jumps back and forth between saying what you say (will explain shortly) and very much having his own ideas...pretty advanced concepts sometimes.

Yesterday, he had dinner and wanted some "cookies" (mini nilla wafers). He loves them because him and Charli sneak into the box at Charli's house and really think they are getting away with something. So, I got some and he found them. DH gave him some and he wanted some more. So, DH gave him some more (mind you maybe 4 at a time). So when he said he wanted more, I said "no, you had enough". He walked in the kitchen with his bowl where dh was knelt down. DH saw him and said "you want more cookies?" and Kade responded "no, I had enough". Better cherish those moments...not long before he'll jump at the idea that daddy will give him more!

Did I mention MIL is back? She got back in town last Wed. night....so the kids are loving that! I do have to say he has definitely changed since she left...and she is just getting used to the verbal explosion he made.

Altu (drinking coffee)
Kade: I want coffee
Altu: If you drink coffee, you will become dark like me.
Kade: I want coffee
Altu: You want to be dark like dida? If you drink coffee, you will be dark.
Kade: No, I get flashlight.

I know I'm MIA a bit

2009-03-20T18:06:00.002-05:00

I know I've been a bit MIA...not just here but on all my usual little haunts. I've been dealing with a lot of "stuff". Nice and general, huh? I mean, really, aren't we all? I tend to overwhelm myself at time and go into my little hole til I can work it out. That's where I am...my little hole. I have been still managing to get to pilates 2x/week like I had promised I would...so I'm proud that I haven't completely quit. I just need a little time to think things through...and I promise I will get back to my funny little stories...trust me..the kids do have plenty of them. I told dh today that I want him to just take me away for a weekend so can just "get away" and so I think we are going to fit it in in the next couple of weeks (in between my weekends of CEU courses and certification courses...I guess I don't do retirement very well, huh?)

All is well...stay tuned...will continue to update blog. Just need a little break...that's all.

snakes, snails and that kind of stuff....

2009-03-12T17:58:00.002-05:00

Kade eating a popsicle....

"I eat popsicle...I want coffee"

5 mins later....

"mommy...I eat popsicle outside"
"no"
"I go outside...play in mud"

The family that hunts together...

2009-03-09T18:21:00.003-05:00

Kylee: Mommy...the kitty has a lizard up in your room.
Mommy: Huh? (confused look as she is sure she JUST let the kitty out back)
Kylee: Kitty has a lizard up in your room.
Mommy: How do you know?
Kylee: Because I saw her bring it in and I followed her and she is in your room with the lizard.
Mommy: (groan) Great....does she have it now?
Kylee: No, she let it go.
Mommy: Ok...
Kylee: Let's go catch the lizard.
<>
Kade: Catch da izard?
Kylee: Come on Kade, let's go save the lizards life.
Kade: OK Kyee.
Kylee heading toward stairs...Kade in tow....
Kylee: Come on mommy...we have to go save the lizard...you have to come because Kade's going up the stairs.
Mommy follows...thinking to self....most unlikely lizard saving heroes ever....
*************************************************************

Upstairs...in room....

Kylee: See mommy, the lizard is over here. (cat staring intensely under wicker dog bed....Kylee lifts it....no lizard)
Mommy: Or not.
Kylee: Oh dear (yes, common phrasing for this 5 year old thanks to her nani). Let's spread out and look for the lizard. Kade...you go check by the bed, mommy, you check here (by dog bed) and I'll (pause) go check with Kade.
Kade: Kyee...I found mouse.
Kylee: No Kade, we are looking for a lizard (thank God just cat toy mouse...otherwise moving out of house)
Kade: oh
<<<>>>mommy takes all stuff from dog bed, out pops lizard which mommy sees but somehow CAT misses. Lizard runs along wall and behind really large dresser.
Mommy: great...lizard is now behind the dresser.
Kylee: How do you know?
((Kade still looking by bed))
Mommy: Cause I saw it just run back there.
Kylee: Ok...good. Comeon Kade...we didn't save the lizards life, but he's fine.
Kade: Ok

and the kicker...the damn cat followed them out.

It's been awhile

2009-03-07T15:59:00.003-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I have posted. I promise to keep more updated. I have just been busy, busy, busy. Aside from the stomach flu that Kade had this week, we are all doing well. I have been trying to remember little bits that they have both been saying, but alas, I can't. So I know I need to keep more updated!!!

Sarcasm is a form of parenting...

2009-02-05T17:20:00.002-05:00

I often say I never realized how sarcastic I was until I became a parent. I can never really give examples, though.

So, here goes...

Kylee has recently gotten into the habit of getting out of our bed in the middle of the night. I probably cursed myself because recently while talking to a friend who said her child was doing that, I said "Kylee wakes up but she never gets out of bed...she just calls". The very next week...I open my eyes to tapping on my arm and two little eyes looking peaking at me.
So on the 3rd night in a row of doing this (and me being exhausted) I just told her to climb into bed. In the am, I asked her why she came in, and she said she had a bad dream.

Me: what kind of bad dream?
Kylee: (breaking eye contact and staring at bed) "about crocodiles"
Me: crocodiles?
Kylee: yes...but these were special crocodiles...they talked.
Me: Talking crocodiles?
Kylee: Yes! And they were eating Jolies leg!
Me: Talking crocodiles that were eating Jolies' leg?
Kylee: Yes...and then they were eating my leg.
Me: Talking crocodiles that were eating yours and Jolies legs...you know what I would've done?
Kylee: What?
Me: Told it not to talk with it's mouth full.

So I did it...

2009-01-23T16:51:00.001-05:00

We have a new piece of furniture in our household. One that will be lovingly used...and often. Kade now has his own little boy potty chair. Unlike when Kylee first got hers, he actually sat right down on it....and peed. Yup...I'm pretty sure he's more ready for potty training than me.

My commitment this year

2009-01-21T17:11:00.003-05:00

to health has made me post about this on here...publicly...so I can be held accountable. Sadly enough, I don't have enough gumption to just train myself (You would think since I was a personal trainer), so I am posting on here so that any and everyone who reads this (all 3 of you) will hold me accountable. I am thinking about posting before pictures...but I don't know that anyone's computer screens are that big. :)

I have done about 3 pilates classes now. It's with the machines and I have to say that dang...my quads got a workout yesterday! This is the style of pilates I'm doing. When you first walk in, the machines are REALLY intimidating. They are big and have crazy names like "reformer" and "cadillac". Gladly, they don't kill you the first session (although I think Mona had it in for me by the 3rd) and there is something both relaxing (I believe it has to do with all the deep breathing) and takes a ton of concentration and feedback about what all your different muscles are doing at the same time. If anyone is looking for a challenge, wants to increase their flexibility, reduce their stress, and is tired of the same old routine of the gym, I would highly recommend! Of course, ask me again after I get my butt kicked tomorrow!

I think I'm in denial

2009-01-20T19:39:00.002-05:00

that my son might be getting ready to potty train. You would think I would be excited...but with Kylee, I remember that means you just stop at EVERY single bathroom. Quite honestly, public bathrooms give me the heebee jeebees..and it's easier to change a diaper (can do in a stroller or the back of the car)...but it's harder to keep the germies away when you have to visit every bathroom and they want to touch EVERYTHING!
So, why you ask, do I think my son is ready to start potty training almost? Well, he can tell me when he poops (after, not before...so he is aware...so I know he's not ready just yet). Also, he can concentrate...and pee. For example...yesterday, he was going to take a shower with me. I get his clothes off and he says "mommy, I pee pee" and he had one drop. I said good job..you did it...and kind of laughed. He said "I pee pee again". I looked at dh and was telling him about the one drop...and then we look down to a stream of pee pee going onto the floor...with a smiling boy.
Fast forward to today...Kade is dressed for school...all he needs is shoes on. Dh is in the shower and Kade decides he wants to take a shower too. He starts to undress. I'm doing Kylee's hair and not too worried (as I had been told by his teacher the day before I really need to work on self dressing with him so he can pull on and off his pants). I kind-of giggle as he gets his sweat pants down to his ankles and he starts tugging at his diaper. He managed to get the diaper off...and ran to the trash can and threw it away (still with his sweats around his ankles...cute little butt flashing in the wind). He comes back in and says something along the line of "I pee-pee" and I look up to find him peeing on the floor. He is so proud of himself, he finishes and then does one of his "happy feet" dances in it. I finished getting Kylee ready and had to change Kade now that his socks were all pee-pee'd on and he had pee-pee dribble down the front of his sweats. Geez.

Things that Make my Life EASY

2009-01-17T18:50:00.003-05:00

Sunbeam Instant Heat Steamer...this is truly a MUST HAVE! You can steam corn-on-the-cob in it and 25 mins later, you have the SWEETEST corn. Plus, steaming is better...you keep the nutrients in the veggies. DH had this before he met me. I have now commandeered it as my own.
Tom & Jerry...the kids love it. Might I add, it's not cartoon PC..they play with guns, have smoking cigarettes...but it's from my day...and hey, I didn't turn out too bad, did I?
British Typhoo Tea..for the days when Tom & Jerry isn't cutting it and mommy is the only playmate. Woohoo the caffeine!
Recipezaar...it makes me look like the chef I'm not.
Carnation Instant Breakfast in Strawberry Flavor...allows me to fool the little man and let him think he's getting strawberry milk when he refuses to eat dinner for the 3rd night in a row and I'm not sure he's gotten his caloric intake.

There you go...some of my secrets.

Like the new look

2009-01-17T12:52:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I actualy managed to get it up over the weekend! I am a frustrated digital scrapbooker and am foraying that into making my own banners. Don't compare my sad attempt to other's professional banners. I'm just starting out. I need lots of work. But I'm proud of it. :)
A friend of mine, Gina, has a digital sbing store. I used her "create your own bulletin board" stuff to create the banner. So thanks Gina!
So, the 2nd post of 2009! (and actually the 1st real post of 2009...yesterdays was just a filler!) Did everyone make their New Years Resolutions? I don't make them, but I do set goals for the NY. I don't like adding "resolution" because then it makes it too easy to break them. "Goals", however, are things you don't break...you strive for. So I make New Year Goals. Symantics to some, but it makes sense to me (welcome to the insanity that is my brain!)
My goal this year is health. Especially ending the last year unhealthy and with unanswered questions, my health, those of my family...this is what I'm going to focus on. I am going to focus on getting healthier (losing weight, getting fit, helping flexibility). I want to embrace time with my family...it makes me happier and therefore healthier...when I can live in the moment of just being with them. Not rushed or side tracked but actually to sit and BE. WITH. THEM. Sounds simple, but I think as a mom, we tend to multi-task more than we realize. I'm afraid in doing so, sometimes I might be cheating my kids of, well, me. I am going to try and keep in touch with my friends better. I have some of the most AMAZING friends (some for 30 years!) and while they know I love them (you all do know I love you, right?) we tend to lose track, come back together, and then lose track again for a couple of months. My goal is to keep in better touch with my friends.
So that's it. Health, Family and Friends

So, you will notice that will be the theme of my blog this year...to keep in line with my goals. Of course, my family has been a theme (or should I say the kids) the whole time. I am going to also keep my health goals a running theme. I may even get brave and post before and after pictures....MAYBE. So my friends, here's to a happy, and especially healthy 2009 for you all. Keep in touch (and I will try and do the same) and I hope you stop by every once in awhile to check in on us!

I'm still here

2009-01-16T08:15:00.002-05:00

I didn't fall off the face of the earth, I promise. I'm aware my blog banner is now past due for change (yes, I did keep my christmas decoration up after Jan 2nd!). I have been trying to get back into the swing of things after returning from Vegas (a month is a long time to step out of your life!) and have also been working this whole week doing massage. Even though I no longer own the spa, I fill in with a chiropractor I know. One of his therapists is on vacation this week. So, Mon, Wed, and Fri, I am doing 8 hours of massages. yeah...I'm tired! In true Becky fashion, I also came down with a cold Saturday am before and have been on antibiotics and prednisone (side effect: don't sleep), so Monday, I was up at 2am, did 8 hours of massage and still couldn't sleep at 11pm! Nice, huh?

Will catch up soon, though, I promise! Next week, I have nothing really going on except my new love: PILATES!! The pilates on the actual pilates machines that is! More about that next time!

Happy New Year to all 3 readers...and I will be back soon!

My SHOCKING shopping experience

2008-12-11T08:50:00.004-05:00

Monday morning DH was off...so we decided to go shopping at the outlet mall. The needs were simple: Coat for Kylee & pajama bottoms for me. Easy peasey, right?

Off we go to the outlet mall....Mistake number ONE. There is a Coach store there. Imagine my pure joy everytime I walk into this leather wonderland! I have trained (er, I mean coached...no pun intended) dh to just stand and nod while in the store....so I was doubly surprised when he found the big (ger) sister purse to a purse I got about a month ago. It smelled so good, felt so soft and was just so pretty....a must have justification! Voila! My Christmas present! Ho, ho, ho...Merry Christmas to me! This is the original baby purse. This is my new Christmas joy! I even got the smaller wallet. So if anyone feels like sending me the bigger wallet, I wouldn't be opposed!

So off we go...nothing accomplished but my happiness! We saw Children's Place and Gymboree....no good jackets. On an off chance, I decided to wander on into The Limited Too. I wanted to see what the smallest size they carried was. To my surprise...a 6! Kylee is big enough to shop there. We start to wander through and then I am stopped dead in my tracks. She is big enough to shop in a store that sells TRAINING BRAS. How did this happen? How did I all of a sudden have such a big girl? We found a couple of cute outfits and as we go to pay, I realize they have bracelets and boy magazines. I wanted to throw up...I was feeling woozie. I needed to sit down. So I left and stumbled into Nine West. Got some killer boots and brought me somewhat back to upright position.

About 4 hours out at the outlet mall...and we left. No pajamas, no jacket...but alittle nausea induced happiness.

I guess it really is about perspective

2008-12-06T08:27:00.004-05:00

After I left the dr. appt. the other day, I was almost in tears. I was totally frustrated. When dh called later, I unloaded into a blubbering mess. It took me so long to get it back together, Natalie picked up the kiddos from school when she picked up her own (which I will be forever greatful, cause I'm sure that my pink/red eyes and running nose would have alarmed them as I walked through the door).
What was so upsetting about the appointment you may ask? Nothing. That was it...there was NOTHING accomplished at the appointment. I waited in the waiting room for 1.15 hours and then in the room for another 30 mins. The dr. came in and she was really nice...actually about my age. Had I met her under different circumstances, probably someone I would like to hang out with or have lunch. We talked about my hospitalization, my follow-ups, my symptoms...she went through the records I had brought from the GI doctor. When I went into the GI doctor the week before, I had specifically requested ALL my records from them. The reason the GI doctor had sent me to this rheumatologist in the first place was because of a "non-specific" result on test done in the hospital and another on a blood test with a positive ANA. Ironically, as she went through the records...they didn't include the blood test results...notta one! So, as I walked out 2.5 hours after my appt time, they are currently trying to get the test results from the GI doctor to then send me for some more blood tests because apparently, my symptoms don't match "typical" autoimmune results and it's needle-in-the-haystack searching.

I am frustrated...and tired of doctors. I'm tired of not feeling right and I'm tired of being, well, tired. I know something is wrong, but nobody can seem to tell me what. Which makes me feel crazy! I spent the most of that night with Nat & the kids but secretly in my own self-pity party. Something I seem to indulge in after every doctor appointment these days...and when the morning comes, I have a whole new hope and energy. So, I feel justified in my couple of hours of self pity.
Then I was reminded of this. Its an amazing story that I have come so enthralled in, I feel like I'm living it with them. The story is of Stephanie Nielson. She is a mom, wife and blogger who along with her husband who had recently gotten his pilot's license were in a horrific accident in August of this year. She received burns over 80% of her body, he over 30%.
I found out about her blog from another blog I read. I was immediately pulled into her story. Having just gotten a fabulous camera and wanting to learn about pics, I was amazed at her eye for beauty in all her pictures. I'm also pulled into the story itself but not in a can't-turn-your-head-from-the-accident sort of way, but rather knowing that someone who sees things in such a beautiful way needs to recover to continue to share with the world that beauty. If you want to read more about her, her sister updates on her quite often. Just click on the CJaneGo link on the left.
Are my medical issues frustrating and at times scary? Yes. But I'm not fighting for my life somewhere in a hospital, looking at years of recovery, relearning to do all the things I learned as a child to do (like walking, using my fingers), and I haven't been separated from my children for months. So for that, I feel ever so lucky...and hopeful.

Observations from the dr's office

2008-12-04T08:20:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting in the dr office waiting to see the rheumatologist. I have waited an hour and fifteen minutes in the waiting room before getting called back. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I won't even go there yet.
Get called. Only to have to step on scale to find weight even higher again (can fluctuate sometimes 4lbs from day to day) but is 7lbs from last week. So, even in worst mood. Have now been waiting in little room 25 minutes. Had noon appointment. So no lunch.
I'm staring at a rack of brochures on different ailments one might have (i.e. Diabetes, high bp, stroke/heart attacks, cholesterol, migraines, trouble sleeping, frequent bladder urges). Every single person on every single brochure has a big ole white tooth happy smile. They are care-free looking to boot. I find that one of the worse forms of false advertising. At least look worried!

Family picture day

2008-11-22T13:55:00.001-05:00

Today was family picture day. We try and do them 1x/year with my absolute most fave photographer in the whole world. Too bad I have to sell off my firstborn to pay for them! I already looked at the proofs! OMG!!!! There are at least 10 different pics I LOVE!!!!!

Let it be known

2008-11-20T08:37:00.003-05:00

That I kick butt at American Idol on the Wii. LOL Yup. I do!

I found it at Circuit City...and you can sing songs and then get feedback from the judges. I have not gotten negative feedback..not even from Simon~ In fact, he said I am exactly what this competition needs. :)

I know, it's not the real thing...but I'm too old for the real thing....so this will have to do.

So much has been going on

2008-11-18T16:55:00.002-05:00

I swear I just loose track of time. I know I need to update, but when I finally have a chance to sit down and that, I am too tired to drag my sorry butt to the computer. Pathetic excuse, I know.

I have to go pick up the kids, but wanted to add a little story about the lil man today.

This mornig he was eating waffles and a nutrigrain bar for breakfast. I was sitting next to him checking my morning email. Where was the girl? Oh, that would be having a fit over the fact I refused to put braids in her hair after telling her no less than 15 times to get ready for school. We started a new rule that if I tell her 3 times, she will not get braids. Today was the first enforcing day. Needless to say, she was not happy about it. Crying, begging, yelling, moaning, etc. after. But, I held my ground and she went to school today with no braids. She. was. Devestated!

But, that's another post. So, I am sitting next to Kade who has just exploded with the talking. He can pretty much tell you what he wants you to know (or when he wants something). I was not prepared to hear this:

"yummy, yummy for my tummy".

Yup...he's getting big.

Wow

2008-11-11T16:57:00.000-05:00

Omg. Its the 2nd week of November. There are commercials on tv with christmas music. Are they crazy?

Had follow-up with GI doctor today

2008-11-04T19:05:00.000-05:00

I didn't write about it yet cause they scheduled me for more tests this week...so I figured I'd just wait. I'm still having pain right above my right hipbone that goes to my belly button. One night it was so bad, I actually considered going back to the ER. I called the ER dr. I know the next day and he mentioned talking to the GI about it being a different form of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (not Crohns). I think I told you guys that, huh? Add Alzheimers to my list of issues...lol Anyhow, when I went back last week, I told him this. He pulled out a test they had done in the hospital. It had about 7 different lines on it. The first 5 tested for IBD's and they all came back negative. So he is fairly certain it's not it. He said one line that didn't come back negative was for auto-immune disorders..and that came back as "non-specific" Basically translated as "we don't know what the hell is wrong with you". He wants me to go to a rheumatologist to rule out any auto-immune disorders (i.e. Lupus) and did blood work that day to test levels. He also scheduled me for a colonoscopy today. Last night and this morning I had the pain really bad...so I was hopeful they would find something. All came back normal. I should be glad, but it makes me feel like I'm crazy. I know I'm in pain, and I know that I shouldn't be. I also have NO appetite most of the time and no energy. I don't get the results of everything til the last week of November at the follow-up. So, we will see. I haven't made the appt. with the rheumatologist yet. Probably need to do that.

In the first hour Kade's been up

2008-11-02T09:11:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed I'm horrible lately at keeping my blog up? I know I really should be better being jobless and all. But here's my excuse.
When the kids are at school, I'm trying to get everything done I can't get done when they are home. Half the time, my laptop isn't even plugged in and on. They amount of time it would take to do that, I could knock off two more items on my to do list. Seriously!
Which leads to why can't I do it when they are home? 4 little letters! KADE. My little happy-go-lucky, giggly maniac! Don't believe me? In the first hour he has been up we have:
Hit our sister and made her cry (she unsuspectingly was playing Webkinz on her computer and minding her own business). Started eating pancakes with bananas. Then wanted down about 12 bites in. Walked over and wanted cereal less than 5 mins later. No sooner did I sit down, he needed a towel to clean up spilt milk (he cleaned it and threw it in the trash). Played with his spoon on kylee's computer when she wasn't looking. Done two full circles around kitchen and living room hopping and screaming "wibbit" Managed to brush both elmo and Dora's hair. This while slowly waking up drinking warm milk the first 15 mins of that hour.
No wonder I don't get anything done!

Kylees new song

2008-11-01T10:59:00.001-05:00

Kylee is now singing "Is there Life Out There?" By Reba McEntire.

Leave a 21 month old to Their Own Device

2008-10-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

Kade has been a handful since I got out pf the hospital. Let's just say that while I was there, there wasn't a lot of cracking down on the rules. So, I am slowly trying to get him back in shape. This am, we were going over to Natalie's so the kids could have breakfast. I decided to dress Kade in my room. Once he was dressed, I told him to go in the laundry room and put his jammies in the dirty laundry. I handed him his jammies and he happily said "ok" and took off running down the hallway in his special, straight-legged, bouncy run down the hallway. I heard a door and about 2 mins later he comes back happy as a clam. I was HUGELY impressed. I have only attempted maybe 2x ever to get him to put jammies in dirty laundry ande that was the basket in MY bathroom. NEVER to the laundry room.
We were over for breakfast at Natalie's at 9am. ALL 4 kids played together wonderfully. I mean better than normal. Nat's sister and mom are visiting and we all sat around and even commented on it. I even went on to brag about Kade being really good today and told them the jammy story. I made them lunch over there and we came back at 2pm for naptime. I told Kylee to come upstairs, do her pee-pee in her bathroom and go in her room for quiet time while I put Kade down for nap. I was rocking Kade, listening to music and he was really close to sleep when his bedroom door opened and Kylee is standing there with her skirt and underwear around her ankles. Here was the conversation:
Kylee: mommy?
Me: shhhh, Kylee. I'm trying to put Kade to sleep. (Noticing her underwear and skirt). What are you doing?
Kylee: I know mom. But why are Kade's jammies in my toilet?

You'd think by now I'd learn never to brag!

Conversations with Kylee

2008-10-09T05:43:00.003-05:00

Kylee: Mom...I have to tell you something but your probably not going to like it.
Me: Um, OK.
Kylee: I dont know why, but Trae is telling everyone I am his boyfriend.
Me: Trae's telling everyone your his girlfriend?
Kylee: uh-huh.
Me: What do you do?
Kylee: I just go on playing...but I don't know...he just keeps telling everyone that I'm his girlfriend.
Me: And you just go on playing.
Kylee: (exasperated loud sigh) yes
Me: Well, the next time he says that, just look at him and say "I'm not old enough to have a boyfriend, Trae"
Kylee: Ok.
Me: (quiet for a minute) So, you are Trae's girlfriend, huh?
Kylee: (clearly exasperated) Yes, but then we broked up!
Me: oh.

Many conversations these days with Kylee go somewhere along this line. I try and follow and somehow end feeling like I missed something. I miss the days of knowing what to say next!

I had a really weird thing happen the other night. I had Kylee in the shower and she got out and I'm helping her get in jammies, brush hair and put in braids. We were playing around about something and she was sitting on the floor looking at me and laughing. I had this sudden feeling like I didn't even know this person sitting across from me...or that I didn't know how to play with her. Very unconnected from her. And I hated it. I don't know if it's more of that feeling like the rug was swept out from under my feet or maybe for the last year and a half I have lost an attachment to her I had. I remember her being 3 and now she is 5 and I really can't remember much in-between. Have I possibly missed it all working on the spa? Did I miss something here?

I think this worldis going crazy

2008-10-09T05:23:00.003-05:00

So, I know I have this "rug swept out from my feet" feeling...but it seems like things that are happening both two me and to those around me...well, I think the world is going crazy. Then every night the election stuff is on, and the market going down...and you hear people say on the news not to panic. I'm not sure that people already aren't panicked. Let me give you a little of what is going on:

Shirley across the street had her baby 4 1/2 weeks when I was in hospital.
Dan's mom died when I was in hospital...he flew up to RI to be with Rachel (his sister) and the funeral.
Stock market drops 777 points.
Bail out fails
Second bail out proposed.
Gall Bladder out and sent home next day.
Dan and I decided to close spa because of failing economy.
Natalie & Family decide go to Orlando. Can't go with because of surgery.
Dan's sister Rachel works at his old high school. They fired a disgruntled employee last Friday. He left the building. She was leaving for the day and walked out of her office was at double doors and turned back around to talk to principal. Went in to principal's office...heard loud crash. The ex-employee slammed his car through the double doors getting half way in the building. When they went out to see what it was, he doused himself in gas and set himself on fire in front of them.
We have to have everything out of spa by Thursday. I can't lift more than 20 lbs, Dan is doing everything on his own because Nate is nowhere to be found.
We have to contact all vendors for the spa...phone coversation at this point seems overwhelming.
Shirley across street was taken by ambulance in the middle of the night...nobody knew why.
Neighbor who has crazy soon-to-be ex husband got her son back.
She was also contacted by Dr. Phil show yesterday.
Natalie back, can't find her. Her business parnter Xana's father suffered massive heart attack and died.
Friend called me yesterday. Her husband looked at her the night before and told her he was leaving. And just left.
Shirley is still in hospital for a heart condition. MIL is taking care of the infant.

It just seems like the air is electrically charged. Nothing seems to surprise me much anymore. I almost don't want to look in a direction to see what happens next.

I keep telling myself to get through today just to get stuff out of spa. And then we will see....

Couldn't sleep

2008-10-07T04:51:00.003-05:00

Well, I've been awake since about 3:30 this am when Kylee started calling me from her room because she said she had a bad dream. I was awake/asleep all night long in pain. My ribs feel like they are protruding a little outward...not really how I would explain it. You know when people have buck teeth? The right side of my ribs feel like they are like that...and it just hurts. Not shooting pain...more like achy. So after lying there uncomfortable in bed for the last hour and a half and things just rolling over in my mind, I decided to get up and make coffee. LOL
How do I go about closing the spa? Selling off the big stuff is the easy part. It was once I thought about boxing up the linen for the massage tables. I'm sure I will keep some of it as will Dan & Nate..but it's alot. Do you just throw it out? What about the back bar already open stuff in the facial room? Should I maybe just give it to a spa I know uses bioelements? I mean, it's not like I can sell already open stuff, right? Should I just ebay the unopened product? What about the massage bulk stuff? I have unopened rose petals that can be used in scrubs or placed in satchels for pedicures or in to put in drawers to freshen. I lay there and hope that people don't call the number on my cards...because I haven't managed to say "we have closed" without strain or tears in my voice. I know I have options but I have this overbearing feeling of "the end". I have been lying in bed trying to figure all this out for 2 hours...something I decided needs coffee.

Been a really long time...

2008-10-03T18:47:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone...sorry to just disappear. I'm back home. I got home yesterday afternoon after 9 days in the hospital. They knew I had an inflamed gall bladder and gall stones but was also having inflamed intestines so they were doing every test known to man on me. I literally had EVERY test they could do. I had 2 CT scans, something in nuclear medicine by a man who looked like George Clooney that was on my gall bladder, ultrasound, and finally they went in and did laproscopic surgery to look at my pancreas, and appendix and took out my gall bladder. The normal gall bladder is about the size of a grape. Mine by a ruler once they took it out was about 8cm! REALLY INFLAMED. They decided that the rest were just unrelated infections (explaining why my WBC count was so high, inflamed intestines and increased pancreatic/liver functions). I had the surgery on Wed. and was released on Thursday. When they do the surgery, they pump your stomach full of gas. I couldn't get comfortable to sleep so I'm exhausted...too tired to walk around...which is what I need to do to reabsorb the gas into my system to get it out of my stomach. I have been on dilodin (which I didn't know is a synthetic form of heroin) and phenergan the whole time I was there and left with vicadin/phenergan so drugged alot...which has made the 9 days go by really fast and in bits and pieces. The kids want to be on me and are afraid if they leave the room, I might be gone (because I went to emergency room in the middle of the night). Since I have been in there, so much has happened and I watched it but was basically left unattached to the news because in the hospital (I mean watching the market fall, the bailout plan refused, etc) and spoke to Dan yesterday morning and have decided this is not the market to keep the spa open in. While the concept/idea are sound, the market is not and I feel like we would be beating our heads against a wall to keep it going. While I know it's the right decision, I feel like I had the rug kind of swept out from underneath me and I'm sad. There is so much of that spa is "me" and while it's not a failure, it feels it. Hard to want to force myself up and get going while simultaneously wanting to cover my head and feel like it was before. I think that I will take some time to really "be" with Kade and Kylee, though. I haven't had nearly the time with Kade as I did with Kylee because I signed the lease 9 months pregnant. So, maybe just through the remaineder of the year and I'm going to talk to dh about going back and getting my masters. I will keep my license current and can do on call/fill in stuff for some chiros I know. Right now, for the next 2 weeks, I can't pick up anything heavier than 20 lbs...it's hard because I can't even pick Kade up out of his highchair or booster chair. I can't drive. Frustrating because so much of me is used to just going. Funny enough, aside from having the kids, I have never been in the hospital. Ever...then I stayed for 9 days. I was the longest on the floor at the time. LOL I guess I know how to do it right.

Calm Before the Storm

2008-08-06T17:11:00.001-05:00

This was the happy picture we took in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office today. I had to take Kylee for her 5 year and attempt to get Kade caught up some. He hasn't gotten his 12 month because he is always sick it seems. So, Kylee got 4 shots and Kade got 3. Kylee knew of the shots and was being really brave....until Kade had his and it was her turn. She screamed before they even picked up the 1st needle. She continued to scream thru all shots except for after the 3rd a brief moment where she sucked in while screaming, nearly swallowed her gum and had to hack it back up from the back of her throat. She was ok in the end, stopped whining when she got a sucker, and was smiles by the time when she was buckled in her seat because she gets a special night. Kade? He had stopped crying before being lifted off the table and hasn't skipped a beat since. He has made it to 25 lbs!
Kylee is a whopping 43 lbs! My babies are getting big!

1st Ride in Booster Chair

2008-07-29T07:31:00.001-05:00

There she is. Buckled in and smiling from ear to ear. She is ready for her 1st ride in her booster. Mom? Not sure if she's ready for this.

Another Sign She's Getting Bigger

2008-07-29T07:24:00.001-05:00

So, there it is. Staring at me. Its hard to remain oblivious to the obvious. My little girl, the sweet faced little Betty-Boop baby is turning into a little girl. She will never again be the baby I rocked in the glider at night. She is able to dress herself, uses the big girl potty like she's done it all along, likes to try and make her own breakfast, is starting 1st grade in the Fall, and now is big enough for a booster seat. While she is so excited about the new stuff, I find myself excited to see what the new stuff brings and desperately trying to claw at the old so as not to loose those precious moments to only memories. I'm proud and hurting all at the same time.

Kade is obsessed!

2008-07-25T11:05:00.001-05:00

With a couple of things:
Airpane:airplane
Birdie
Mi-mou. (Mickey mouse)
Me-bau: meatball
Cookie: (he has a wicked sweet tooth like his mama. He loves cookies and white cake with white frosting)

Dictionary de Kade:
Mommy! Are oo: mommy where are you?
No kai-kai: no kylee!
My papi: my pacifier!
To-choo: thank you
Sawe: sorry
Pees: please
No-no chawee. No bite: no no Charli. No bite.
Shoes: he would make a gay man proud with this obsession!
As if that wasn't enough, he is really kicking in the bengali as well.
Cello: go
Shot-shot: its like saying bless you.
Tak: keep it.
Shona: literal translation is gold. Altu uses it as his family jewels.

Can you tell he never stops talking?

My strange little paranoia

2008-07-19T21:55:00.001-05:00

Ok. So I'm sure I have more than one...but we'll just concentrate on this one for now.
So when Dh and I go out and we are driving home, there are two streets we can take. One is a little farther one way but is well lit, and 3 lanes each way. The 2nd is slightly closer but is one lane each way and dark. When its just me by myself, I will take the 2nd , even at night. Dh does also. When we are both together at night without the kids, I insist we take the 1st. The idea is that its easier to get in a wreck on the 2nd and I hate the thought of something happening to both of us (because we're together) and leaving the kids orphaned. One of my strange neurosis I guess. Anyone else do something weird like that?

G-Rated Pastie

2008-07-14T13:56:00.000-05:00

How does one get a G-rated pastie? You pick up your child from school. She excitedly gets her sticker from the front before leaving. The daily routine. You lean down so she can also put on one you. You half notice its a bigger sticker than normal but shrug it off because your running late. Its not until 2 hours later as your leaving said childs gymnastics class you remember the sticker. You look down and notice it was dutifully placed on your shirt at the exact spot your nipple is. Ironically, it also happens to be round and the same size as your nipple. Who says motherhood isn't sexy?

One great thing about mornings

2008-07-07T06:16:00.002-05:00

If your not a morning person, I am guessing your thinking nothing. If your a parent, and lack sleep, probably thinking the same thing (although I remember when the kids were infants thinking "thank God, that's another night over). I am a morning person. Always have been. Well, except for that brief stint I did as a cocktail waitress (5 years to be exact) where I worked swing shift. I like to get up in the am for my "quiet time". If I'm tired, I stare at the television in a color induced coma waiting for inspiration to start my day. Other days, I jump out of bed, hit the ground running and don't look back until 9pm ( I know, quit hatin!) Usually it's just my time to think...or indulge in whatever grown-up, brainless indulgence I want. I usually have about 30 mins to do this before Kade wakes up (dang morning child...wonder where he gets it from?). Today, he was up early as usual. He didn't go to sleep until about midnight last night due to a cough that woke him up in spasms until he threw up. So, I settled him finally about midnight, propped his little head up on a pillow to help, and went back to bed. Alarm off at 5:30 (and trusty new coffee pot also! Happiness is a coffee pot with a timer!) Feeling rather refreshed I came downstairs and poured my coffee and pondered how to spend my "free" time (free time, I have learned as a parent, comes at a cost!) Catching up on the newest hurricane (and first of the season to form) and watching the news while parusing some new blogs was the answer. Then I heard it...a faint cry...and a cough. Minutes later, MIL appeared holding little groggy eyed, 24 lbs of pure warmth and cuddliness (well, cuddly until he spews due to hacking cough). While I know the last thing I should give him is milk (makes him cough more) he is a child or routine. He MUST have a sippy cup of warmed milk while kicking back on a lap and wake up slowly. Once he got his bearings, he ran wobbly-legged, resembling a calf just learning to stand, into the kitchen to show me what he wanted to snack on. Watching him run and bounce off the cabinets, I realized as he gets older, this is one thing I will miss. I love to watch his little wobbly legs run, diaper butt in tow), 100% committed to getting whatever it is that he fancies at the moment. I remember having the same thoughts about Kylee in the morning with her wild hair. It's the little, endearing moments that in the calmness of the mornings before the hectic day begins that you realized how truly blessed you are. I know these fleeting moments will be replaced by other special ones, but I want so much to bottle what I have and keep it for my own selfish pleasure.

How do you answer this?

2008-07-04T13:23:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was really tired and lying in bed. Kylee came in to cuddle. We played a bit and then were cuddling. She suddenly say up and said she needed to apologize. I asked why? She told me she needed to apologize for not being good enough.
What do you say to that? I asked her why she would say that? She said it was her friends and they didn't want to play with her anymore. These are the conversations I wish they made handbooks for. I am so scared for the day she comes home crying because all her friends were invited to a birthday party but her. I don't want her to ever feel like being her is not good enough. Realistically I know I probably can't keep her from ever feeling that. How can I let her know that all she is is so perfect to me?

So this boy thing

2008-06-29T14:52:00.001-05:00

May not be so bad after all. I cried for 2 days when I found out I was having a boy. I KNOW girls. Boys I'm clueless however. Shocking I ever got married. THAT kind of clueless. Boys were always a mystery to me.
I remember showing up at Natalie's in tears. What was I going to do with a boy. I'm all girl. Shopping, pink, all that stuff.
Today one less mystery. I also know he is my child. We went to the mall with Kade. It was the first time we left his stroller at home, too. HE LOVED IT! His favorite was walking ahead of us holding Kylee's hand. We went in stores, checked out the water fountain and ate lunch. Who knew a little boy enjoyed the mall so much? Kylee helped by reeling him back in if he wandered too far. I thought we were going to be stuck at the fairy counter forever. Kade wanted a sticker and fairy dust on his hand just like Ky Ky. He proudly ran to show it to daddy and then wanted to go back for more. I know I have a small window of time where he will like that before its no longer something he's into. But I'll take it!
Now for a recent Kyleeism:
Kylee: mom, I just adore you.
Me: I just adore you too.
Kylee: (thinking it over) mom, what does adore mean?

Today while on phone with Nani, kylee came to surprise me by being dressed and brushing teeth.
Me: wow! Did you get ready?
Kylee: yup!
Me: What a big girl! Did you brush your teeth too?
Kylee: yes! I even brushed my back teeth and my points!

Best lunch date

2008-06-29T11:50:00.000-05:00

I had the best lunch date yesterday. They were a bit on the chatty side, though.

Testing the mobile waters

2008-06-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

I just set this up so I can post to my blog via my blackberry. Why you ask? Some of my funniest thoughts are usually on the fly. By the time I get a chance to get to a computer, I forget them. Now. Voila! Mobile thoughts! Cool, huh?

I guess it was inevitable

2008-06-22T08:40:00.002-05:00

I have always felt like I did when I was 19. I was told that when I got married, I would suddenly feel grown up. Then I was told when I had a child, I would feel grown up. I had two children and still felt 19. I have moved 3 times, bought 3 houses had two children, 3 weddings and still felt like I did when I was 19. I would visit people that had kids, and their teenagers would tell me I wasnt like a grown up. I finally just gave up on it and figured I would just always feel 19 (truth be told, I was actually ok with that, too!)

Sometime in the last two weeks, though, I grew up. There was no one "big" event that caused it. Just a shift of mindset, I guess. I have noticed that even the way some younger people are relating to me are different, too. I am actually seeming 'grown up' to them. I was doing a massage on someone in her mid twenties and we were talking about traveling. I was talking about the one regret I have is to not have traveled in the hostels in Europe in my twenties. By the end of the massage, she was ready to take a 3 month LOA from her job next summer and travel. LOL Last night, I was getting my makeup done by a 20 year old at the MAC counter and I was almost "mommying" him. Not sure how it happened, but somewhere this year, I grew up.

A couple of new things Kade has learned

2008-06-18T20:16:00.003-05:00

Its amazing when your just playing around the things that you find out your kids know how to do. Sujoy was sitting with Kade on father's day (I was sick in bed all day...poor guy) and he said "one" so Kade said "two" and Sujoy "three", Kade "four" Sujoy "five", Kade "six", Sujoy "seven", Kade "eight", Sujoy "nine", Kade "ten"! All the way to ten...smiling the whole time as if saying "you didnt know I could do that, huh?"

Later, I tried the same thing singing a bit of the alphabet and he was helping to fill in some of those letters too. Too cute.

He can tell you a cow says "moo", rooster "cockadoodoo", and duck "quack-quack". He can tell you he was bit by Charli at school, he screamed was translated from baby talk as "Kylee where are you?" and when I brought it out yesterday, screamed "playdoh". Yup! I have another talker!

A little Kyleeism:

Kylee was talking to Lena (our old housekeeper and substitute grandma) on the phone. She hasn't seen her in FOREVER. Anyways, she asked Kylee what she was doing on father's day that she might pop over and Kylee's reply?

"great...Father's day it is then!"

Kylee's graduation

2008-06-18T19:41:00.001-05:00

Big day yesterday

2008-06-04T05:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a really big day yesterday. HUGE actually. I meant to log on yesterday, but I was busy all day. Kylee graduated from preschool yesterday! She looked adorable in her little red cap & gown. They sang songs and she got to walk across the stage and get her diploma. It was really cute. Yes...pictures to come!
During the ceremony, I was holding Kade. He was really into the music. He was bouncing on my lap, would clap, was waving and then finally resorted to singing "e-i-e-i-oh" in Kade talk to keep the music going. What I learned from the experience: Spanx will roll from the top down if you have a toddler jumping around on your lap for too long.

So, it's official. I am about ready to have one less toddler and a little girl. While I'm excited, I'm sad. I have LOVED toddler age with Kylee (ok...it's kinda like a grown up in a toddler body, but still). I know she will still be my little girl, but it just solidifies that at some point, I'm going to have to let her grow up. I'm not sure I'm ready to let her do that.

Well, way to go mom...didn't even break a sweat!

2008-05-23T09:52:00.003-05:00

So yesterday I was getting the kids set down at the table for dinner. We have a tall bistro table for an informal dining area...so they sit there. It's right by 3 windows. So, I set them up and something caught my eye. Out one of the windows was a lizard (nothing really unordinary around here). What had caught my eye is that this lizard's chest made a big orange bubble out and in..and then it would bounce a couple of times. Kylee saw it at the same time I did.

Kylee: Look mommy...a lizard
Me: Yeah...look at the orange thing the way his chest goes out..it makes like a bubble.
Kade: (pointing and screaming) "lilar" (baby for lizard I have learned)
Me: You see it going up and down? Weird.
Kylee: Look mommy! It's two lizards. (my eyes see a much smaller lizard about half foot away from first lizard..also doing same up and down dance)
Me: Yeah...(suddenly, I think I'm realizing something....and I start to think fast as to how to explain what is about to inevitably happen next)

(for those of you who don't know...let me spell it out...
Decorated male+ interesting little dance +second animal=MATING DANCE)

For those of you who really like math....

Percocious 4 year old + 2 animals in mating dance = "oh shit" response in a mommy!
(funny, how good I've gotten at math since having kids..that whole thing was literally about 5 seconds!)

Kylee: (as first big lizard walks up behind small lizard and mounts it) Look mommy...he wants to be friends, huh?
Me: "uh yeah...friends"
Kylee: "see...do you think the other lizard wants to be friends too?"
Me: staring...(never thought I would stare at a couple of lizards mating) Suddenly...little lizard runs away.
Kylee: "what happened?"
Me: "Guess he didn't want to be friends"
Kylee: "oh"

Finally, an update

2008-05-20T05:18:00.004-05:00

I have to apologize. I haven't been around. I had all the best intentions of posting alot last week while on vacation...but blew off all responsibility to anything since I was on vacation! Back and getting into the swing of things, I am finally updating.

Things have been really hectic here. Before the vacation, I have basically been running ALL THE TIME! The spa is going well, but we are going into slow season...slightly disconcerting. It's also baseball season...so I tend to be one partner down alot of the time...and will be going into football season in a little over 2 months. That will bring me two partners down for awhile. Fun, huh?

Kylee and Kade are getting so big! I am amazed by Kylee when I look at her. She will start kindergarten this fall and I don't really see any toddler in her anymore. It's bittersweet. Where has the time gone? How did I end up a child that is old enough to be in school already? She is ready for school. I think she will do really well...if I can get her out of bed. NOt a morning child at all!
Kade is a joy like always. He is strong willed and very verbal already (read between the lines...he says "no-no" alot) He is 23 lbs now...which is great. He gained 3 lbs in 4 months...and the throwing up has all but stopped. He came back from our vacation with a cold. I took him into the quick care on Sunday evening. He has pneumonia. His heart rate was 150 and respirations were 42. They gave him a shot of an antibiotic, breathing treatment and sent him home. We had to go back the next day. His hr was down to 72 and respirations were 26. So better, but still pneumonia. He has to be on Augmentin for the next 10 days.

So, this is where I normally do my Kyleeisms. Since Kade is starting to talk, I don't want to do Kyleeisms and Kadeisms. So, I wanted to do something like "heard around the water cooler" (like around work) but for kids. The obvious choice is "heard around the playground" but I was hoping for something alittle more clever. So, I am putting it out there. Anyone come up with something for me? Until then, heard around the playground works....

Heard Around the Playground:

Me: old McDonald had a farm...
kade: E-yo-e-yo-o

Me: Kade...what does a rooster say?
Kade: (use your imagination here) cuck-a dloo loo

Me: (Opening up suitcase from trip)
Kade: (singing in words you can't understand but know the theme song to) clean up, clean up (while taking stuff out of suitcase)

Kylee is learning how to rollerskate. She wanted to have me help her even though I had her learning on just one skate at the time. I was holding her hand and we were going up Natalie's driveway. "This last step is a doozy!" (yup, you saw that right!)

2008-04-06T09:04:00.002-05:00

Did I mention we adopted a cat? Well, actually we adopted two. Their names are Gumdrop (a 6 month old calico) and Shadow (a 5 year old Blue Point Siamese....who looks exactly like the cat I had for 22 years Fritzy). Well, Shadow got really sick last week. We had her a total of 3 weeks before she started to get sick. We noticed she hadn't eaten and then we didn't see her for a day. So, off I took her to the vet. Now, if you are not going to take care of an animal, don't adopt them. BUT...how far do you go for an animal you have had all of 3 weeks? I think we did alot. We had two blood panels done, an catheter put in so she could have fluids (dehydrated) and an abdominal x-ray. In total we spent about $1000 in two days. We still didn't have any conclusive answers. It could have been as simple as viral attacking her liver or liver disease and liver failure. So, we put her down. It broke my heart...I cried loud and hard for 10 mins before I realized I was at work and anyone could walk through the door at anytime. It would have taken about $1500 more just to get her through the weekend to start more tests on Monday, though. So, in the end, I knew it was the right decision. So, now we have Gumdrop. Let me tell you about Gumdrop. She is such a silly cat. I know that cats are mischevious, but she takes it to the extreme. She tries to stalk Xena when she gets her dog treats and then jumps on Xenas head while she eats them. She goes out on our back lanai and then we don't see her. We couldn't figure out for the longest time where she was. She climbs up our lanai screening and lays out and sleeps on our back deck. She is just a really funny cat. I will have to get a picture of her for you all. She likes to lay in my sink (it must be the perfect cozy size) and I am so tempted to turn the water on her...but I think that would be just too mean! She loves to bat the water with her paw out of the water..and even fell in the bathtub when I was giving Kylee a bath once! More to come on her...Kade just woke up from the morning nap!

2008-04-05T07:44:00.003-05:00

Kylee had one of her top 5 meltdowns of all times last night. I wasn't quite sure really what led to it...but all of a sudden it was my child acting like some kind of alien I don't know. She is typically REALLY good...I mean like REALLY good...so when she has temper tantrum meltdowns, it is so rare, it completely catches me off guard.
We were outside last night and she fell and scraped her knee (not bad at all, though) That made her weepy..and she would stop and start crying like 5 mins later again. Then she went in the house to get a band aid and comes out with light sticks...which we were handing to her and her friends...they were lit when she all of a sudden wanted then "unlit" and was mad that you couldn't make them unlit again. By now, i had enough. I told her to pack it in or we were going inside. We all continue to play and all of a sudden she throws hers in my lap and comments about going by herself and walks away. That is when I had enough. I told her to go in the house..and she started running from me and saying no she wanted to play outside. I told her it was no longer a choice. I had to grab her by her arm because she kept either running from me or dragging her feet walking slow toward the house. On the driveway, she threw herself on the ground. I grabbed her by her armpits, put her back on her feet, and told her to get in the house. She continued to cry, scream and growl at me. She then refused to go in the bathroom so she could take her bath..held on to the refrigerator when I went to grab her and bring her in the bathroom. By the time I got her loose and in the bathroom, she was kicking and screaming. I almost dropped her in the tub clothes and all. She cried and screamed through the whole bath. When I got her out...she was still crying. I knew she was tired by now..and I was exhausted from the fight. I wrapped a towel around her and just brought her close to me...wrapped my arms around her and cuddled her..until the crying stopped and I could feel her body relax. I then took her in my lap and held her for another 10 mins or so...until we could talk a little about her being upset because I was mad...I had to explain that its ok to be mad or sad, but some behavior is not acceptable like throwing ourselves on the ground and running away from mommy. She lost her special night in dida's bed last night and playing with friends today. As she went to sleep (in 5 mins) she had started coughing...today it's evident she has a cold. So, I will chalk it up to tired and getting sick...at any rate...I learned something interesting too. When I was the most exhausted, all I could do was grab and hold her...and somehow at that moment, it was the one thing she needed most. I guess that is back to the idea of "loving her through it".

Kylee and Kade moments

2008-04-01T16:42:00.003-05:00

We just returned from an overnight stay at our Disneyworld Timeshare on Monday. We had to go or we would forfeit the points, so we went overnight. Well, at dinner on Sunday night, Kylee told me she wanted to "get up in the morning and go get donuts or something like that...just me and her, wouldn't that be fun?" I know that often she hates that fact that when it's her, Kade and I, because of his age, it requires a lot of my attention. So, I try and get some one on one time with her so that we can talk...and I have found that in those calm, silent times, I learn more about my child in 15 mins that I could have in our everyday routine if I did it a month straight with no sleep. Kylee has this amazing ability to just talk and plug in with me when we are alone. Something I hoped that I helped to cultivate and continue to. So, what she said to me on Monday morning caught me off guard...how did I not know this?

Me: So, are you still glad you have a little brother (thinking she would say yes, but sometimes I wish it was just you and me still...then I could talk with her about it)
Kylee: Yes, but sometimes I wish I were something else.
Me: What do you mean? What would you want to be?
Her: Sometimes I wish my skin were more white and then I could get more tan.
Me: (realizing for the first time how everyone comments on how Kade's skin tone is mine and her's is more like dh's) Well, you are... you just have a tan.
Her: No mommy, look at my skin.
Me: you have been in the sun. Flip your hand over and see...look at your palm.
Her: well, yes, but then it's red.
Me: (holding out my arm) well, see I am white and then red too.
Her: well, I guess.
Me: You know what?
Her: What?
Me: Did I ever tell you about what I would wish before I had kids?
Her: No
Me: Well, I always knew I was going to have a little girl. I wanted one...and I would think about how I wanted her to look...her hair, eyes, everything. When you were born, you were everything I had ever wished for. ( I can feel her leaning back into me and snuggling...so I put my arms around her) You are perfect...you are made exactly as God had meant you to be made...and everything I had ever wished for. So, never want to be anything else, ok? I wanted you.

She said ok.

Sometimes I feel so inept when it comes to raising children...especially one like her. Some day I hope she looks back on her childhood and thinks of our quiet moments as some of her most favorite...and if nothing else, know she was loved.

From a Kade standpoint, he doing really well. He went for a follow-up to the Pediatric GI doctor. He has gained two lbs in two months! I was so excited. The throwing up has all but stopped. He still is sick about every 3 weeks or so...but that has to do with the fact that he cuts a new tooth every three weeks or so! He is 15 months old and is now cutting his 14th tooth! I have an alligator! As much as I hate to see my kids sick, I feel the most like a parent in those moments. When you know that you are the one person who can actually make them feel better until they get better. It is in those moments I have my most heartache and my most joy. Funny how that works.

If your lookin for a party

2008-03-09T21:49:00.004-05:00

Are you looking for a party? Particularly one you have the energy for right after the kids have finally gone to bed? Better yet, in between feedings or because they woke you up at 2am and now they are back to sleep by 4am, but your wide awake-what the heck should you do now-kind of party? Well, look no further!
I just stumbled across the biggest party I think I have ever found! It's mommy's talking (as mommy's do) and I'm sure swapping some battle wound stories of their own! If nothing else, grab a glass of wine or martini (pick your poison!) and have a laugh!

My last post was long

2008-03-09T21:35:00.003-05:00

I figured it covered me for awhile...and there was no need to post on the day to days. No, really, I just have been too lazy to write. I have been remembering and trying to push off the different cute things of the kids so that I can dutifully regurgitate them onto the screen when I do have the energy. Alas, sleep deprived and crazy, I have forgotten most. But I did remember a couple.

First off, let me say, Kade is walking. Not just walking, but running like a stumbling drunk toward a vat of free beer. Complete with the giggle. He also has about 12 words he says now (although some are understandable only to me and Charlie Brown's teacher!) I taught him how to do "cheers" with his sippy cup (a skill that might come in handy once he reaches that beer he is running for!) and he has 12 or 13 teeth! Yup, I am the proud mommy of a little girl and an alligator! Maybe it was all that Florida water I drank while pregnant. Warning to all you preggo moms out there..stay away from the Zephyrhills! Seriously, though, he is 14 months old and has gotten 3 of his 4 two year old molars. Crazy, huh?

Now for a long awaited Kyleeism...and probably one of my personal favorites.

Kylee: (playing on computer and talking with her friends Alex and Aaron) "My daddy is the king of this house and he built it just for me."

Need I say more?

Pondering it all

2008-01-11T06:14:00.000-05:00

I think one of the main things I have struggled with since having Kylee 4 1/2 years ago is the whole should I work or should I stay home. I am in a position where I can choose to work but don't necessarily have to. While I know some people are thinking "well, lucky you...why are you complaining" it brings about yet another reason to second guess the choices you make. I wonder daily if I am doing my children a disservice by going to work. What if I just stayed home? Is Kade's development not on track (or slower) because I go to work instead of stay at home, plan out every activity all day long to help in his pursuit toward going to an Ivy League College? (because of course, I have absolute control over that...and passing on my wealth of information to him in only the way his mommy can will give him the best start in life??) Ok...not to that extreme. More like am I doing a disservice to my children that I constantly feel like I'm telling Kylee "hurry up...we are late" and Kade has had oatmeal for dinner 3 nights in a row..and I have gotten to spend 45 mins to an hour with him tops two nights in a row before he is so tired, losing his mind and has to go to bed.
What I have decided...women's lib has done us no favors. I have felt that actually for a long time. It basically told women "yeah..you can be successful in the work environment..you can do it just as well as men" but it didn't redefine any of our other roles. It didn't teach men to do the dishes, or become more nurturing, or even that yeah, although they want to watch the football game and they are tired, their children's bedtime and meal come first even though their wife has been busy all day long and just got to sit down for the first time all day. WOMEN CANT HAVE IT ALL. It's a farce. We can gain more in one arena, but we sacrifice in another...and at the end of the day, we second guess both. I know I do at least.
Let's face it...going to work is EASIER than staying home with a child or two all day long. Being at home with children under five is extremely physical and takes more planning than honestly I am capable of. Before Kylee was born, I still decided what I was going to eat when I was hungry. I didn't make plans for dinner at 9am! (truth be known, I still don't...but that is another blog completely)
In the attempt to "have it all" when I was 9 months pregnant with Kade, I decided to open a spa and signed the lease. Last year was spent learning "what not to do" in the business arena while balancing a hectic family life with two small children. I spend more time trying to please all three men in my life (my husband and my two business partners)...all of whom think I'm not doing enough and at one time or another have given me the second glance or exasperated sigh. Kade is now a year old, still doesn't sleep through the night, isnt walking yet, but manages to say 4 or so words (ok..two consistently and two that I know what he is referring to). I wonder if I had chosen to instead stay home, would he be talking more? Would he be more physically developed? If I wasn't so dog tired that it took all I could do to stumble downstairs and make a bottle (plastic one at that warmed in the microwave...now I have a cancer/burn risk on my hands too!) and feed him quickly so I can just go back to sleep instead of slowly spending weeks redeveloping his sleep patterns and patting him calmly and slowly moving myself out of the room would he be sleeping through the night now? How can all of this not completely screw up my children for life? I mean let's admit it. My intentions are all good. I have Rachel Rays 30 minute meals and Deceivingly Delicious...I have owned every sleep book known to man (ironically, when you need them you are so sleep deprived that by the time you COULD read them, they put you to sleep...not so helpful for your kids...but you sleep great)...but in order to DO what these great things say, you have to have the TIME to go to the grocery store....and TIME to look up what you are going to cook for the week, go through your pantry and check to see what ingrediants you have or need, make the shopping list and go get them...walking up and down the isles...comparing brands making sure you have gotten the best bang for your buck...because you also are in charge of the finances in your family.

My evenings in my house on any given days are basically like a tornado going in circles until the kids are finally in bed. I opt instead to fly through the grocery store, grab thin spaghetti noodles and sauce and throw it all together while unpacking the kids school bags, stuffing Kade into his highchair and calm his mad screams with some Gerber snack and start Kylee's computer or television so I can get dinner done or mindlessly chatter about how some insects have exoskeletons because she is learning about skeletons. I don't sit down and eat dinner with them mainly because they would be awake and would have my head napping on the dinner table in the middle of my spaghetti plate. I wrestle Kade into his jammies kicking and screaming, shake my head at myself for still allowing him to have a bedtime bottle, put him to bed and hope he doesn't wake before 4am to eat again, tell Kylee it's bedtime for the 20th time, plead with her to do her pee-pee, get her jammies, tell her why she can't have 3 books, cuddle with her in her bed for 2 songs (although she doesn't let me leave until after about the 5th...and even then cries when I go...if I haven't already fallen asleep in her bed) and then drag myself downstairs to make sure everything is straight and attempt to do some work for the spa (because I am making a conscious effort to "be" with my kids when they are home.) I am not getting any more hours in the day...but instead, I am cutting out sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and if it's 4 am, I ponder what I can get done if I get up then. I think about where I am going to etch out some "me" time in my days, and also think about the pipe dream I have of going back to get my masters degree online.
This is called having it all. Do I second guess all my choices? Yes. Do I think I could be doing it better or that someone does it better than me? Yes. I think part of growing into motherhood, though, is letting go of the idea of "doing it all right or perfectly" and just "doing what you know to get by". I remember telling my sister when she was pregnant that "at the end of the day, if they are still breathing, you must be doing something right". So what if their school has done more for potty training them than I did...I got to spend the time that I should have been taking them every half hour to the bathroom blowing bubbles on the patio. When I get in the car, I buckle them both up (and let me tell you, we have all created a sweat and are out of breathe by the time we get in the car) and I take a conscious moment to stop, take a deep breath, kiss Kylee, look her dead in the eyes and tell her how much I love her. (if you haven't tried this, I might suggest it...when they are in their car seat, they are locked in and at eye level...so they look right AT you). I know some of Kylee's memories of me will be this rushed mom running like mad who fed them a lot of oatmeal, but she hopefully will remember when i burned dinner because I explained exoskeletons and am a terrible multi-tasker or how when I put them in the car during our busy day, I made it a point to stop and look right at her and make sure she knows how much I love her.

A couple of Kylee things..and some Kade thrown in also!

2007-12-30T21:01:00.000-05:00

So Kylee was singing yesterday in the car...anyone with small children and Noggin know Laurie Berkner...well I kinda recognized the song...

Kylee: "so I turned around...and heard a sound...and it said IM GONNA CATCH YOU, YOU BETTER RUN, I'M GONNA CATCH YOU HERE I COME...SO I JUMPED RIGHT IN TO MONDAY...AND I HAD MYSELF A GUN DAY"

Holy shit...she might join the ARA...I'm almost definite now she will be sitting talking politics at age 8...just probably won't be voting Republican.

Kylee: "mommy..this is an old car" (mind you I drive a 07 Ford Expedition)
Me: "you think?"
Kylee: "yes...I think we need to get a new one"
Me: "Cars cost lots of money...that is why you keep them for a long time. In fact, maybe I will keep this one til you turn 16 and you can drive it"
Kylee: "No..I want a different car"
Me: "like what?"
Kylee: "A different car"
Me: "like what kind of different car"
Kylee: "I want a CONVERTIBLE"
Me: (a little shocked that she even knows the word...so I figure she doesn't really know what it means, right?) "Why is that?"
Kylee: "I like them. The top goes down"
Me: "oh"

Yup...she is liberal, care free...definitely not a Republican!

I remember thinking when I was pregnant with Kade how the second child always gets the shaft...and I was sure I wasn't ever going to do that. But, true to form, I know in my mind that I don't spend nearly as much time on vocabulary, learning new things, etc. that I did with Kylee. I would like to say that it's a good excuse or something...but it's just that I am too tired...almost all the time.
So, I was playing with Kade on the floor determined to make it a point of spending at least an hour of quality learning time a day with him. I was trying to help him with balancing, etc...and it was a lounge, but it was 3 steps! Yup! Getting closer to walking. I feel a little vindicated since he already holds the remote for the TV up to his ear and says "hi" Both my kids did that early...is that a kid thing...or does it mean this mommy is on the phone way too much?

Well, I am off to bed. I have been running a low grade fever today. I developed a nice chest cough and watery eyes yesterday. I think that left ear infection is trying to do me in...I don't know. Maybe I brought a bug home from Vegas...which then would disprove the entire theory of things staying in Vegas! Night!

What I learned today...

2007-12-10T23:24:00.001-05:00

A couple things really....

1: For those of us who do all our own wrapping...go to Michaels...they make this little thing that is like what you get to open the mail for cutting wrapping paper...Its fun and FAST!! I may never use scissors again (at least as long as I know where that little dohicky is...which may be until next week!)

2. Take notes on this one...it may be very helpful for you. When using gift wrap tape and it folds over, do not stick it to your lip to straighten it back out because you only have one hand...it can AND WILL) take the skin off the inside of your lip! I wonder if I can sue 3M like that lady sued Mickey D's?
3. Despite how many times my child asks me what my cell phone number is again, she knows it. How would I know this? Because she called me tonight to tell on the babysitter Beth when she didn't make her cinnamon toast right and when Kylee threw it away out of anger, Beth told her now she would have to eat her green beans...so Kylee told her she was mad at her and was calling her mommy. She didn't think she really would do it...until I returned a call frantic because I had missed the earlier call. Nice, huh?

It has been forever!!!

2007-12-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

I havent posted in so long. I have been better at my myspace than on here...so you can always look over there...it's under BeckyBrahma. I had posted on November 7th that Kade had been sick with an upper respiratory infection and ear infection. Why the long stretch in posts? Kade is STILL sick! Can you say A MONTH!!!! I have been to the doctors 6 times with him in 3 1/2 weeks (once also with Kylee...but that is a whole other story). So if you are wondering why I am not posting lately, this would be it...I'm exhausted. I have been up to my ears with Kade's illness...my business partners aren't so thrilled I'm leaving over Christmas for two weeks...and at the end of the day, my "to do" list just gets longer and I get nothing accomplished. Kade is the most attached child I have ever run into. If he sees me and is with someone (even Kylee or Sujoy) it's a complete meltdown. He will actually crawl over to me just to touch me. Can you say Momma's Boy? I love it, but I can't do anything when he's home. When he's at school, I have to be at work because I'm leaving...so I get nothing done at home.

I have started other therapies with a chiro to try and get Kade well...so far I have had better results in 3 days with his ideas than 3 1/2 weeks with traditional medicine. Still remains to be seen, though. At any rate, I have been brought to tears over the situation about 5 times this week...in the end, I have to suck it up, cause crying isn't going to make it better.

On a brighter note, go check out my new pics of mommy and son photo shoot. It was supposed to be a family portrait for a Christmas Cards done by the most talented photographer on earth, but Kylee had HUGE meltdown over her curls not being big enough (I'm so screwed when she's a teenager) and we were going to have to council. After much tears (on both Kylee's part and mine...and I screwed up my makeup job my friend had come to do) Sujoy told me to just go with Kade...so we got some VERY special pics of us...and they really describe his personality and our relationship to a tee. Makes my heart happy.

Kylee did the sweetest thing today. Kade was on my lap (imagine that) and he was screaming for Kylee (he screams "Kai"). She came over and looked at him...kissed him on the forehead, and looked me in the eyes while rubbing his head and said "this is just the best thing of all". Melted my heart...made motherhood all worth while. It was in that moment that I knew they will always have eachother to rely on..and I almost started crying. That right there was the reason I wanted two kids....That was all the validation I needed to know I am doing my job well.

Kylee's little bedtime story

2007-08-30T20:18:00.001-05:00

Tonight when Kylee and I were cuddling, Kylee said "let me tell you a story". So I said "ok"
Here is her story:
There once this boy and he loved to swing on the tire swing. He would swing and swing and swing...but he kept falling off and he hurted hisself over and over and over. One time he fell off and ants climbed all over him and eated his skin and went to his bones. He had to go to the doctor and get the ants off...and they had to fix his bones and skin and wrap it all up. He went on the tire swing again and falled off again and got hurt and was crying and crying. His mommy sent him to his room and shut his door. He woke up his little brother and his mommy got really mad and went in his room and pushed him. Then the policeman came and tooked her away. The end.
Me: Wow.Kylee: Did you like that story?Me: well, it was ok, but a little sad don't you think.
Kylee: Then he saw a rainbow and went outside and was so happy because of the rainbow. Then he saw Reggie's mommy and she asked where his mommy was and he said the policeman took her away. The end.
Kylee: Is that happy now?

Motherhood is so humbling

2007-08-29T20:14:00.001-05:00

I always see these moms who are so put together, and I wonder truly how they do it. You know the ones...who have newborns sleeping contently in their strollers as they walk around the mall in their perfectly coifed hair, flawless makeup and no bag under their eyes.

I was never one of those moms. The first year of Kylee's life I had luggage that I had never seen before. I can sometimes look at pictures and not recognize myself. I am usually there with spit up on my unmatched clothes, hair falling in my face, sweat running across my brow and wiped off on my shirt sleeve (Thank GOD I didn't wear makeup today!), searching for the formula I left on my counter while my kid screams in dolphin tones! THAT my friends is me as a mother. Needless to say, I am amazed by those moms.

With the second child, I feel a little more at ease. Definitely more like a veteran (and lets face it, we all laugh at those first time moms...because we KNOW so much more...or we KNOW what they are going through). Add to infant a 4 year old going on 17 year old girl and a new business and voile' you have my life now. So, while it may not be pretty, I have a flow to my day. Kind of like a elephant and ballet shoes kind of graceful, but flow. Some days, I even feel cocky. I know...imagine that. Yesterday was such a day. I had got the kids to school a half hour earlier than normal, remember Kylee's homeworks, Kade's food and change of clothes, got to work, did my massage and got a fabulous compliment and by the time I got the kids and got home (kudos to me, I even remembered to bring Kylee a SNACK when I picked her up) I was feeling on top of the world and put together. I changed into my most comfy clothes, got Kylee's homework done and food ready...I mean I was the freakin MOTHER OF THE YEAR...and just when that thought went through my mind...Kade puked on me. Not just puked...projectile vomited. I was covered, he was covered and I'm not sure the floor has recoved yet.

What did I do you might ask at the moment. LAUGHED.

Of all my achievements in life, if I can ever master motherhood, I will surely be a success.

What would your google be?

2007-08-12T20:22:00.000-05:00

So every once in awhile, I google names of guys I have gone out with or met to see what they are up to. Not in a stalker kind of way, but rather as a "gee, I wonder what their life is like now" kind of way. So, I did last night with someone that I met when I was 19. I was shocked to find out how well he had done.

So, I started googling other names. I googled dh's..and found stuff. I googled a couple of friends and they also had stuff. I know if I google my sister's she has tons of stuff...she after all is living her dream (and therefore being the fab authoress she is, has google power!) I google myself, and all I get is some random quotes I might have left on someones blog...really, not all that impressive. So, I was lying sleepless in bed last night at 1am. Whereas there has always been talk in the past as to "what would your epitaph say about you when you die" or "what would you write for your epitaph"...kinda a what would your legacy be? Is google not he 21st century epitaph? I mean who would really need to read a gravestone or an obit, when you can pull up all info on the person just by google. That said, what would your google be? What legacy would you have left that you would want future persons to google? I am 34 years old...maybe almost half my life over...and nothing googleworthy. So, by 2am, I was thinking...what can I do with my life google worthy?
That is the question I pose to all of you. What would your google be?

I leave you with a little "conversations with Kylee"

Kylee: I am a girl and Kade is a boy. Me: Thats right Kylee: Charli is a girl and Alex is a boy. Me: Your right. How do you know that you and Charli are girls and Alex and Kade are boys? Kylee: Because we are. Me: Are boys and girls the same? Kylee: No Me: What do boys have? Kylee:Penises Me: and Girls? Kylee: Paginas Me: Good job! Kylee: Me and Charli have Paginas, Kade and Alex have penises...you have a big belly and another baby.
Note: do NOT click the "back" button on your browser.

Wanna know where I've been?

2007-08-11T22:08:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've been having a torrid love affair on my blog. I have momentarily jumped ship and lost my mind...only to find my way back. Where did I go you may ask??

www.myspace.com/beckybrahma

Yup...I did it. I got a myspace account. Once I got it, then I was OBSESSED with finding pics (still don't have the ones I want) to go on there...create the background, find old friends, and find out what said old friends have been up to. Maybe it's an early midlife crisis...I mean aren't you supposed to be about 22 years old to have one of these things?

Life in the crazy house has been...well...crazy. MIL got really sick this last week. She was fine at 5pm and at 6pm she had 104 degree fever. DH was at work..I was home with the kids...Kade is teething and was fussy and didn't want to be put down and Kylee wanted dinner...all while MIL is shaking profusely, white as a ghost (and I dont know if you have ever seen an Indian woman go white...not good). As if an angel was sent, there was a doorbell and when I opened the door, MIL's friend from down the street was there.

Me: Hi...she is really ill..she's in there...and you need to go figure out what is wrong.

Nice, huh? Did I mention her blood sugar was 85...then 40 mins later, 191? So, it's always fun to try and figure out if someone is shaking from low sugar or shaking from fever. Unfortunately, protocol for both is not the same.

She is better. She has been on Leviquin (750 mg) for 4 days now. She is also in trouble with the doctor for her uncontrolled blood sugar. I also have a dr. friend who has volunteered to take her to the hospital and show her what happens first hand when you don't take care of the blood sugar. I think I will make her go. Kinda scared straight.

She is leaving Sept. 14th. Kylee will turn into the demon child for about a month. She gets away with MURDER with MIL..but can't with me. Her latest thing is to let Kylee eat breakfast in her bed watching cartoons before school (and we can't figure out why it takes her an hour and a half to eat and another hour and a half to get ready for school)!

Kade is 8 months today. He is finally sitting up on his own for longer periods of time. Actually, he still just wants to kick his legs. He is an attention freak like his sister was. At school, he screams so he can get attention. Since they won't always pick him up, he has taken to making himself throw up...kinda smart actually cause you can't leave him sitting there in throw up...so you have to pick him up. Mission accomplished.

My timeline: heading into week 3 of Buccaneer Training Camp...Devil Rays on the road...Nate gone with them...Dan at camp...me...alone in spa.

18-25th..DH has to use last vacation time...going to Lido Beach with whole family. May need padded room at the end.

August 31st...Grand opening party and ribbon cutting for spa. Ordered invitations...don't have a clue after that.

Sept. 9-11...going to NY for US Open finals and semi's...MOM coming to watch kids with MIL

Sept. 14th- MIL and MOM leaving. Did I mention DH is opening a steakhouse Sept. 20th? Single mommyhood begins...

HOPEFULLY-sister coming on Sept 14th after her book deadline. if not, will build padded room onto house.

Ok..that is it for now. pop over to myspace to see me...I will try and be on here more often!

And sometimes you know your doing a good job

2007-07-11T18:48:00.001-05:00

Mom: I love you.
Kylee: I love you too.
Mom: I love you more.
Kylee: I love you the most.
Mom: I love you to infinity.
Kylee: and beyond.

Mom: Your my best girl.
Kylee: Your my best grown up.

Another of my fine traits

2007-06-30T19:33:00.000-05:00

I am the BIGGEST procrastinator on earth. Nothing reminds me more of that than when it's almost Kylee's birthday. She is turning 4, so still not quite a noticeable thing on her part, but I swear with the best intentions I plan in my head only to find out it's only a couple of weeks away...and I have NOTHING planned yet...at all. (In my defense, my anniversary is next week..I thought it was still two weeks away...and I haven't even gotten a card yet) I'm shocked I even know what month it is (after a double second thought, I can tell you).

So its Saturday night...and I am sitting here thinking "wow, I really need to get on the planning of Kylee's birthday". That is right after I get rid of this raging case of tonsillitis that I have gotten in the last two days. It feels like I have a watermelon trying to work it's way out of my right ear every time I swallow. Yup...you can guess i'm pretty quiet these days...the less talking the better.

So, I have a birthday, an anniversary, and tonsillitis...and I have to figure out how we are going to make rent next month at the spa. No stress here.

So few and far between

2007-06-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

Ok...so I know that I have been fairly absent lately...I'm sorry (for you 3 readers...LOL) I have been sucky at keeping my blog updated lately..but like usual have the usual excuses.

Work has been rough. I am trying to get this spa going (along with my two partners) and with any new business...it's a struggle. I go to work and try to do more and more marketing ideas and come up with ways to get people in the door) then come home and play mom until I drop into bed at night exhausted.

Kylee is doing great. She is in the summer part of school...so she gets splash day every friday (something I get to try and remember every Friday so I don't be the "bad" mom who forgot her bathing suit!) She is doing great! She loves school (although would still prefer to sit at home with me!). She LOVES Kade (and he thinks she hung the moon!!)

Speaking of the little man...he has TWO TEETH!! How is it he seems to grow up so much faster than she did (and she grew fast!) He is such a HAPPY baby...he smiles all the time...unless he is tired or hungry...he is smiling. He saves the gut laughing, however, for his sister!

Kade has started school with Kylee...and he loves it. I have walked in to pick him up and all the babies are crying...but he is lying on the mat kicking his legs and smiling. :) I love that kid!

I cut my hair off...pictures soon to follow..but it looks great...Kinda a graduated bob...but with lots of texture on the end! I love it...and i have a style with minimal work...

I will post pics soon...I promise to at least try!!

Is the year really half over already?

2007-05-31T07:39:00.000-05:00

I can't believe tomorrow is June 1st! I swear it was just December and I was still pregnant! I guess when you have a toddler, have a baby, and open a business the year sort of just fly's by somehow.

In case I haven't posted it before, come check out the website. It's www.PureTampa.com. I love it. My fabulous friend Richard created it for me...I pulled him out of website design retirement and made him do it (ok..coerced, begged, pleaded and blackmailed with unlimited massage anyways). The business is taking time to get going. I came upon something fabulous that we are going to use. It's video based emails that send a hyperlink directly to the receiver. Check out the example. It's at www.talkfusion.com. We are going to use it to remind people of appointments, thanks you's and specials. I can also finally send my family pics of Kade (something I get yelled at all the time for!)

Speaking of Kade...he is about 17lbs already and 5 1/2 months old. He is such a HAPPY baby (until he's mad) but usually he just smiles and rolls up into a ball. It's fabulous.

Kylee is getting so big. I look at her and am shocked that I actually have this little school aged girl (or almost school aged girl). She was tested at school for school readiness (the Bracken test). She scored so high (and it's usually given to 4 year olds! She scored 98.6%. I have always known she was smart, but wow. I was really proud of her. She has a dance recital this Saturday. I hope that she actually goes through with it. She told me yesterday she didn't want to go "on the big stage". So, we will see!

In my spare time, I need to start working out I am getting fat...but I will figure something out!

Ok...hope you all are doing great (all you out there in blogger/computer land!) If I'm rattling, it's because I went to bed and midnight and got up at 5am to pick my mom up at the airport. She is visiting for a week.

Happy Belated Mother's Day

2007-05-15T08:19:00.000-05:00

Ok...so I'm a couple of days late. I was even going to join a blog blast at parentbloggers.com but didn't get time to even write my thoughts. Seems to be that way a lot lately. I just justify and figure I have no thoughts. LOL

But, as Mother's Day came around, I of course think about myself as a mother and the mothers that I know and aspire to be. I decided to acknowledge some things about some of the mother's that are closest to me...and why I would love to have those same qualities.

For my grandma, I am in awe of her faith. She is the most loving woman and her faith is a big part of that. She is who I turn to when I need prayers. I aspire to have a relationship with God the way she does.

For my sister, I am in awe of how easily motherhood fit into her life. She didn't even take pause or struggle. She just "went" with it. It was just another facet of who she is...and it seemed so natural. Transition into motherhood for me was never that easy. I think I fought certain parts. Not the child part, but the loss of myself first.

For my mom, her tirelessness (ok..if that is even a word). She managed to "do it all" and it seemed she had it all. I still struggle with is it possible to as a mother "have it all"...and feel like I'm not sacrificing relationships with my children.

For my friend Cindi, her ability to still be such an amazing friend..even though she was so busy with the rest of life. How she managed to keep in close contact and keep her friends close, is so admirable.

Suzi...even though you don't read this blog, I am amazed at how you manage to be so organized with a child...I can't even remember where I placed the last thing I held.

These are just a few of the moms I know...and what I respect. I still would like to honor all my mommy friends...for the job they do. Megan, Katharine, Sep, all my August mommies, and all the mommies I haven't listed...Happy Belated Mother's Day.

Ah...where does time go?

2007-04-21T08:22:00.000-05:00

Oh...like I have time...LOL I forgot.

Well, hard to believe, but the little man is already 4 months old! He is getting so big. His 4 month appt., he was 15lbs10oz and was 25 1/2 inches long. He is in the 70% for both height and weight. My future NFLer!!

Kylee is doing great. She had her second surgery yesterday. It was really quick. Only about 10 mins and they basically went in and sucked out any scabbings and checked for any remaining infection. She has to stay home from school for 2 days (no biggie as it's the weekend) and was able to leave and go to lunch right after!

We finally got our establishment license for the spa, so we are officially OPEN!! If you want to see what I've been working so hard for the last 6 months or so, come to our website (thanks to my good friend Richard!!) It's www.puretampa.com

It basically tells all our services. Now we just have to advertise (tricky as we are broke!) So if any of you know anyone in Tampa, tell them you have a great new spa they need to check out!! LOL

Been awhile, huh?

2007-04-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how time flies. I have been feverishly working to get this spa open and it's still not open (but getting closer all the time!) I finally said the words outloud the other day to dh "Im not a stay at home mom" (which he likes to tell me I am, but wants me to get out and earn money also!). When I put that out there, I was actually sad. I know that is the one thing I have always wanted...to stay home and be with my kids..and I know I'm not. I am able to make all of Kylee's school things, though, and that is the other thing I strive for...so I guess one out of two isn't bad, eh? Kade is growing like crazy! As if on cue, he just woke up...let me try and get back to this!!

The burpcatcher review...

2007-03-05T16:36:00.000-05:00

Burpcatcher…more please!!

So, I joined a parent blogger’s review. They basically review kid’s products and post the review both on parentbloggers and on your on site. This is my first review…so be kind critics!!

The item I am reviewing is the Burpcatcher. Now, let me tell you, Kade very rarely ever spits up unlike his older sister who on more than one occasion had me wearing formula with Karo syrup. When I first got this, I was amazed at how soft it was. It’s better than the “using old cloth diapers as a spit up towel” just in softness (and I don’t care how many times you downy those cloth diapers)! The handy pocket will catch any and everything that comes out of their mouths. I was HOPING for a spit up (which never came) but felt secure in the fact that I was prepared for the worst (and for once actually hoping for it!)

The best part about the burpcatcher (besides how clean you stay) is the fact it is one of those little luxury items that is easily affordable. At $9,99, it can be bought as a gift for any budget. My biggest regret is that it didn’t exist when my daughter was little!