I am starting my pilates certification course today. I am really excited. REALLY EXCITED.
At the same time, one of my major insecurities that I have grown up with comes back at me and once again, slaps me in the face. I have always been insecure about my body size. I was always the "fatter" of the sisters (not hard when your sister's a showgirl!). Growing up, my sister was the "beautiful, skinny one" while I was "pretty too". It is what pushed me into the gym and eventually led me to choose the degree I did in college.
I have been in the worst shape of my life...and that hasn't helped my insecurities. Being in the hospital and knowing I needed to do something healthier was what led me back to excercising and trying pilates. I LOVE IT. I miss it in between days that I go...so I'm excited about this class.
My insecurities in my head are saying what if I am the fattest one there? What if they look at me and think 'why are you here...you can't do this...your too fat!'. While those are always close by, I am going to push on and know that I have done enough that I belong there, know enough to know that I won't be completely lost and will understand what they are talking about...and strong enough to get through this and be better for it. Wish me luck!
Pluto
9 hours ago
2 comments:
I not only "wish you luck"...I KNOW you can do it (insecurities and all). Everyone is insecure about something, they just don't usually talk about it. (Even your "showgirl" sister)
I am and always will be proud of you and think you are beautiful not just pretty. I could go on & on, but you'll probably discount what I say because I am your mother, but even if I wasn't, I'd still say it.
Love Always,
Mom
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.
-- Nelson Mandela
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