My morning with Kade

Yesterday morning, Kade got up early...even for him. It was about 6:15 and we came downstairs and were hanging out...I had to run upstairs to get some extra pajamas. As I came back down, I hear "pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter....(pause).....Pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter (in the opposited direction). As I round the corner, I see a string and a kite dragging on the floor.

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Kade playing with a long bead necklace hanging on the handle of the wine refrigerator...

"giddyup! Yee haw!!!!"

"mommy...I'm a cowboy!"

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He's getting big, isn't he?

7 Years

Next month will be 7 years since I left Las Vegas. I still consider myself a Vegas girl. When people ask where I'm from, I still say Vegas. It's hard to believe that it will be 7 years since I lived there. Maybe because I (well until Kade was born) went back so frequently. Or maybe because all of my family and some of my closest friends are still there.
I started to think of the things that I have learned in the last 7 years...and there's so much.
I learned that those things they called the Santa Ana winds really did have an impact on the weather...and what they call winds there can be considered "hurricane force winds" other places.
I learned of a small town called Philadelphia, Mississippi...notable for really only one thing...if you don't know, google.
I learned "Southernisms" like 'fixin to' and the time span that encompasses
I learned to drive a John Deere tractor...and how to rewarding spitting fire ant mounds out the side could be.
I learned about Neshoba County and their fair...
I learned that Vegas really did have a lot of lights compared to some other places....and how DARK those places could get at night...and how many stars there were in the night sky in those dark places.
I learned about Wolf spiders, cotton mouth snakes and other things I didn't want to run into.
I learned about Tornadoes (and that Mississippi does have them) and Hurricanes (and that Tampa has them)
I learned about Peggy's and that people do still honor a system...
I learned how helpless you can feel when your child is sick...and how much your heart can break when they tell you exactly how sick they are...
I learned that I have the utmost respect for NICU nurses and what they do.
I learned patience, love, and did I mention patience?
I learned how to pack up an entire house...3 times.
I learned how hard it is to make good friends as an adult, how lucky I am to have the good friends I do, and how to treasure them everyday...
I've learned that if you have 2 kids, they will find something to fight about everyday (ok...that only because Kade and Kylee are fighting over a chair neither ever really cares to sit in...until now).
I've learned night launches from Port Canaveral can be seen in Tampa...and are beautiful.
I learned about alligators.
I learned love bugs were not just flying in the air together.
I've learned that all ages between infant to 6 have their ups and downs (mostly ups)
I've learned that marriage is something that has to be continuously worked on as a priority in your life...and not taken for granted.
I've learned that when all else fails, valium is good. (ok...not really, but sometimes that thought is nice)
Ditto on alcohol (ok...might be halfway serious there)
I've learned I am sarcastic...but never to take myself too seriously.
I've learned most of my friends don't take me too seriously either.
I learned about football, hockey and even some baseball.
I've learned that I can be a boy mom as well as a girl mom.

Mostly, I have learned that with family and friends, I can live anywhere and it will be home. I have a feeling I will go back to Vegas someday...but home really is where you heart is. Home really is where you make it.

Words I thought I wouldn't hear my child say

Can I eat the head of the fish? Ya, she's definitely Bengali.

The more things change..the more they stay the same...

So, it's no big surprise that to this day, Kylee is still hard (I mean REALLY hard) to get to sleep. She has never liked going to sleep. Even as a tiny baby. Tonight, I was tucking her in and she asked me to cuddle with her for a few minutes. I laid down next to her. She was still for about 2 minutes and popped up and looked at me and said "no mommy...you have to do it that one way". I said "what way?" She said "you know how you do when you put your arm over me and then pull me next to you" (spooning..she loves to spoon) I put my arm over her as she turned away from me and cuddled up close to her. She laid still for about 3 minutes...and then one hand started moving...under the sheet making like a sheet puppet opening and shutting its mouth. So I waited, and waited then I finally took and put her hand down and cupped both hands with my hand so she couldn't move. She didn't move..and within literally 1 1/2 mins, she was out. Asleep.
Its amazing that after almost 6 years, she still moves CONTINUOUSLY to stay awake when she is exhausted...and even like when she was 6 months old, I can still hold her close, keep her arms/legs from moving, and she just falls asleep.

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With a couple of exceptions, I was really the first of most of my friends in having kids. I think I counted it out last Dec. and if you invited all my Vegas friends with kids over, we would have 10 kids 5 and under (Kylee being the oldest!) And no, I wouldn't attempt that without lots of alcohol on hand. So, I seem to get to experience all kinds of new *firsts*..this is just one of them.

Did you know that kindergarten has it's own mores? Yup. Me neither. Bathroom etiquette is learned REALLY young. I can remember as a child going to the skating rink and there not even being doors on the stalls...and not really caring. But, these days, apparently you care. For instance, Hannah and Kylee at dinner the other night and I take the two of them to the bathroom. It's one of the big bathrooms that you walk in and lock the door (just a toilet and sink, no stalls...you know the kind). Well, Kylee and Hannah both had on their leotards from gymanstics. Kylee was going to use the bathroom first. So she started to take off her leotard but then stopped and said "but I don't want Hannah to see my privates". Hannah said "but I'm just standing against the wall...and I'm looking this way (straight ahead)". Kylee "ok...but don't turn and look". So Iasked her what the big deal is because at school they have to open stalls and two of them use the bathroom at the same time. To which Kylee quickly informed me that they might be in there, but she doesn't look to the side unless she is getting toilet paper and otherwise they stare straight ahead so they don't see the other person. Who knew? And really, when did kindergarten get so hard? Boyfriends, social laws...geez. My biggest worry was the Spot book.

Another Kadeism

One thing both dh and MIL have gotten from the British (and still do to this day) is have biscuits (or for us cookies) in the morning with their coffee. So usually dh gives Kade one to.

Kade walks up to me with his biscuit...

Me: you want to dunk it in my coffee?
Kade: No, I no be dark Indian.


Gotta love that kid!

Wednesday nights are argueably my busiest night. I don't know how others who have several children or children in several activities do it. Kylee only has gymnastics one night a week...and it's her only activity. For some reason, it's exhausting to me. It's been made a little easier since MIL is here because she keeps Kade at home instead of me chasing the wild banchee all over the waiting room of the gymnastics place for what is the longest 45 mins of my day.
So tonight, after gymnastics, we decided to go to Beef O Brady's to eat with Hannah, Bishop and Jill. On the way to Beef's after gymnastics, this was our conversation as I drove...

Me: Hey Kylee
Kylee: yes
Me: Have a I told you today that I love you?
Kylee: Yes
Me: Can I tell you again?
Kylee: You can tell me as much as you want. I will never get tired of that.

Isn't that the best? I could hear that forever!

Kylee being her normal great eater, was easy at Beef's. The kids' meal she always gets is chicken wings and curly fries. It comes with 2 oreo cookies..which until this year, she never liked. (I mean really...what kid doesn't like Oreo cookies? I'm telling you..she's an adult in a child's body!) As we left, she was saying she didn't have dessert. I told her when she got home, it was bath and bed, because it was past her bedtime. She said she wanted dessert so I caved and let her have the two oreos on the way home. In that moment, it reminded me of when I was young and my parents used to take my sister and I to Macayo's for dinner. We would get the ice cream scoop for dessert with the coveted little plastic donkey on the top. It was the HIGHLIGHT of the entire dinner (well, that and the shirley temple with the cherries at the beginning of the meal). It is a memory that just fits...like an old pair of shoes...it's cozy to me.
One day, I hope she will look back on our special "mommy-Kylee dates", or our favorite little places to eat. I hope it brings the same cozy feeling to her...and makes her smile.

Sarcasm...isn't just for parenting anymore...

Unspecified friend: (talking about her husband) "says that this skin makes me look fat"
Me: in friendly advice, of course "did you say, your thighs make your dick look small"
Unspecified friend: Shit, I wish I could think of these things.
Me: More you do it, the more natural it comes.

And so comes another Easter

I could very well be the worst mother in the whole world. I didn't take one picture...not.one.

Luckily, I have friends who are great mothers...and they took pictures. Even with my kids in them. So, I'm holding on for those. Although, one of those friends is Natalie. I'm still waiting on pictures from when Kylee was three. Some of us have stronger points than others.

We did what has become the annual Easter thing on the misfit cul-de-sac. Breakfast at Alex's (which is actually now Alex & Charli's...and includes Hannah Banana and Bishop and Layla). Natalie being the supermom she is, whips up this enormous breakfast. Me, being the slacker I am, showed up with two hungry kids. ;) Luckily, Jill brought a casserole. So, breakfast..and while the kids were eating, some of the adults went out front to hide...are you ready for this...450 easter eggs on the cul-de-sac. We didn't do like last year and hide them in the dark the night before...which turned out to be a problem I hadn't counted on. Why you ask? Because Kylee was up out of bed 3 times the night before looking for the Easter bunny...and checked out front when the dog was taken out and didn't see any...and again on the way to Alex's house (2 doors down). I walked into Natalie's house with a big grin and 2 Easter baskets (my excuse for leaving when I was outside planting eggs) to Kylee sitting on the couch arms folded in absolute tears. She was crying about Alex not wanting to play with her...so when I sat down to talk to her, she was crying hard and buried her head in my shoulder. So I finally said "come on, go get your Easter basket". She said "why, there's no eggs...nothing!" and wailed. I told her to get her Easter basket that I was pretty sure there were. We instructed the kids that Natalie's house was for the babies only...to which Kade turned and ran around the house looking for eggs (should have specified OUTSIDE). We regathered Kade...opened the door and off they went! I am sure we found just about all 450 eggs. After the hunt, we came in the house and got everything together and went to the beach. Water was chilly, but I kept both kids busy digging a hole and putting water in it for a good hour and a half. Then Alex and family showed up. Kylee and Alex raced to the water and Kylee knelt down, skidding her knee across a rock...drama again for the next half hour or so pleading to go home (in her defense, that salt water had to really have hurt in the cut. Thank God for well prepared strangers with band-aids. We got home about 5:30pm...both kids slept on the way home and had dinner when we got here. I discovered a huge portion of my legs I had missed with sunscreen...that have turned into a very painful burn. Overall, very fun day. 3 dramatic meltdowns. I picture of the wild man wearing his easter basket/hat on his head. Several happy grins. 2 new lessons learned: plant easter eggs the night before...put sunscreen on at home and don't miss spots.

Insecurities, unstripped

I am starting my pilates certification course today. I am really excited. REALLY EXCITED.

At the same time, one of my major insecurities that I have grown up with comes back at me and once again, slaps me in the face. I have always been insecure about my body size. I was always the "fatter" of the sisters (not hard when your sister's a showgirl!). Growing up, my sister was the "beautiful, skinny one" while I was "pretty too". It is what pushed me into the gym and eventually led me to choose the degree I did in college.

I have been in the worst shape of my life...and that hasn't helped my insecurities. Being in the hospital and knowing I needed to do something healthier was what led me back to excercising and trying pilates. I LOVE IT. I miss it in between days that I go...so I'm excited about this class.

My insecurities in my head are saying what if I am the fattest one there? What if they look at me and think 'why are you here...you can't do this...your too fat!'. While those are always close by, I am going to push on and know that I have done enough that I belong there, know enough to know that I won't be completely lost and will understand what they are talking about...and strong enough to get through this and be better for it. Wish me luck!